Am I being unreasonable?

You’re not being unreasonable. But from my limited experience, men are simple beings and will never understand the mental load or sacrifice a woman makes in parenthood. As much as it pains me, and it’s wrong, but to get a good night sleep on the weekend, I would have to phrase it carefully. EG: ‘Please can you have the baby tonight so I can get a good night sleep’. Then he thinks that he has made the decision to not drink and feels good about him self for doing something *nice* for you. You still get the outcome minus the argument. 🤷‍♀️

I completely feel this as I've gone through a similar path in the past couple of weeks and have had to work through this minefield myself. We've had 40 weeks+ of hormonal changes, bonding with baby and having our maternal hardwiring kicking in whereas dad's have only had baby's life+ to have their hardwiring only just beginning to set in. By your own admission, he has been a great support throughout so I'm guessing will listen when not in the heat of the moment... What I found was speaking to my husband where I explained my concerns and fears (pretty sure hormonal me said I was worried it would escalate into weekly drinking sessions and that I didn't come into this to be a solo parent) - he reassured me that wasn't the case and that he'd be respectful and to be fair to him he has. He also reminded me that I need to go and have time to myself and encouraged me to get that ball rolling in whichever form it might be (I've booked in for my nails tomorrow)...

...All of this is difficult, and when you throw in sleep deprivation to boot it's even harder. I'm currently reading 'how not to hate your husband after kids' by Jancee Dunn to try and gain a bit of perspective (and it's helping) - I grabbed mine on the Kindle app on my phone so reading it whilst waiting for LO to settle. You're feelings are valid, but remember you and your husband are the team on this one - you've got this far together and you'll get through more in the years to come.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all and us women make many many sacrifices which we often end up resenting our partner for. But also it does sound like your husband has been supportive, like you say, he’s not drank for 2 months. If it were me I’d be inclined to let him have a couple more drinks it and do the night feeds myself an extra night. What’s one extra night in the grand scheme of raising a child when you think about it. He will most likely appreciate you letting him let his hair down and will probably make up for it in some way. That way in the future, when you are ready, you will have the freedom to be able to have the same treatment. These instances where you go the extra mile for each other really help in the long run. If he was out drinking excessively every weekend it would be a different story, as I agree, a baby shouldn’t be left with someone who’s been drinking. Hope you work things out x

I think if your baby is only 6 weeks old, then this is fair. Before having children me and my partner used to drink every weekend. We now have a 5 month old and 3 year old and I dont drink much at all now because I get terrible hangovers. I've been out for drinks twice since having baby, my partner likes to have a drink on either a Friday or Saturday not every weekend though, but I don't mind because he doesn't get hangovers and we still do things as a family the next day or he will take the kids out because drinking doesn't really effect him. He also just has a drink at home so he's still around to take care of the kids he doesn't get stupid drunk. Would your partner be the type to carry on drinking and get drunk or would he just have 5 or 6 beers and stop at that?

Sadly even the most understanding caring men just can’t understand what we’ve been through. It sounds like your husband has been supportive so I’m sure if you spoke to him about how you feel in a non confrontational way he’d understand. you could agree on a night where he can let his hair down but in return he does a night shift so you can rest. Or agree a limit of alcohol until the baby is older? They have their own pressures like being the bread winners and sustaining the family household now which, as much as it isn’t the same as everything we’ve been through for 9 months+, is a heavy weight on them and something they have to process. I’ve had a few people not be very sympathetic to my husband when I say I think he needs a break, like an hour to go be himself. You’re a team and have to look out for each other. It sounds like you’ll figure it out but, reading all the other ladies comments we all get it and are with you. Take it one day at a time xx

Thank you everyone for your perspectives and support! I 100% understand the pressure he is under - in our case not financially as I saved up to keep up with my side of expenses, but ie I got really offended and defensive when his family mocked him for needing a moment during labour after me being borderline unconscious and multiple failed epidurals. I cannot imagine what it is like to carry, to have to witness it! On the back of this I have made time (and encouraged) from day 1 for him to exercise and game a bit (2 things he loves to do). not trying to justify myself by adding this, but I appreciate the input from everyone who has commented and think sometimes it’s important to share what we also have done to support our partners. For me it’s just the idea of someone who has had more than a drink or two looking after a baby - imo if you can’t drive legally (and there is a reason for that) , I ask myself, should you be looking after a baby?