Do you do the NACHO method?
NACHO means "nacho kid, nacho problem" so the bio parent takes the lead or makes all decisions in parenting their child/ren
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That method sounds problematic. I agree that having boundaries is super important and necessary, but having the mindset that the kid is not your problem is not conducive to a healthy environment. I’ve always cared for my partner’s kid and over time have committed to parenting together like they are mine. Ultimately, I leave major decisions up to my partner and bm, like when my sk wanted to switch schools. But in our home I definitely feel just as much the parent as my partner and my sk treats me like a parent figure.
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Given all parties mean well, that kind of mindset is the reason kids get confused, have a hard time adjusting and respectful co parenting is hard to come by. I’m in the same boat with bio mom wanting to step up all the sudden and be a mom so all the discipline and routine we set in place went out the window because she couldn’t do her part. It only works if everyone works together for the benefit of the child.