Rant

I'm not looking for advice since I don't really think there is any besides stand up for myself but thats something I lack to ability to do currently. Let me start off by saying I am 20 y/o I have a 4 y/o and a 20 m/o. I did get pregnant at 16 and since then I have been living with my parents. My husband, 2 kids, 1 dog and I live here with 2 of my bothers, my 2 parents, and their 2 dogs. We pay my parents 400$ in rent (so do my brothers). I am a sahm and watch my 2 kids during the day. I however also do all the cooking, it was supposed to be 5 days a week but on my mom's night to cook it's always fend for yourself or date night or some bullshit. I also am literally the only person who cleans the house. My 4 y/o has a speech therapist that comes over twice a week so I clean the house for her to come over any no one else touches it. I have gotten on my hands and knees scrubbing the comunal bathroom floor (idk why but there was piss all over it). I am the only one who cleans the laundry room and any extra stuff that gets tossed in there from someone half ass cleaning a spill or some of their clothes get dropped when they do laundry or just leaving clothes around the house. I have talk to my mother a few times about how I feel unappreciated and over looked but she always replies with how she is super stressed at work and how paying all the bills in the house is to much and blah blah blah about how her life is hell and it's hard with everyone living there. So I always drop it. Up until a few days ago I was cleaning the house and my brother was doing dishes, ofc everyone left dishes all over the house to I went and picked them up and brought them to the sink. He made a snide comment about how her hates me and I was like whatever man just cleaning up after everyone and he said that it was my job to clean after everyone since I don't work. I got pissed and said whatever. Talked to my mom about it a bit later and she looked at me like I was the stupidest person alive and like I should know my place. I dropped it. However tn we were joking about how the table is dirty and she looked me dead in the face with 0% humor and said it was my job to clean it and it was my fault it was dirty. I laughed that she is finicky about people cleaning her wood tables and that it's her job (we have all been yelled at for using the wrong cleaner). And she said that I just need to use hot water and scrub it and that it's not that hard... idk after this I just feel so isolated and that I'm just a simple servant for these people. I get I'm a sahm but I'm not their mom/wife so I don't think I should be cleaning up after grown adults.

Amd ik i should just stand my ground but every time i do i get hit with the "then move out" "I pay the bills not you" "you wanna pay more bills" "you can't afford to move out so your stuck in my house" and many many more things about how I live under her roof and how nothing in the house is mine besides the stuff I bought and my kids stuff. Unfortunately we can't move out because I am a sahm with not income and we can't afford day care for 2 kids.

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What makes living here harder is that my mother and one of my brothers act so bipolar to me. Half the time they like me, they like my kids. We can have fun amd joke around. But then a switch will go off where they get cold and me and my kids are a burden on them. I'm so wishy washy because the good days feel great but the bad days make me feel like I'm drowning. I know that sounds dramatic but thats the only way to put it.

And I want to add- you aren’t being dramatic. Your feelings are valid!! 🫶🏻

@Lyss yea we have had MANY convos about her being a narcissist. Even my dad occasionally calls her on it but it doesn't help. She kinda just... does her thing cuz she is the "gueen" of the house as she puts it. We have thought about moving into my inlaws place but she always finds ways to talk me out of whatever move I'm trying to make. This time I'm contemplating not telling her anything but she is like my best friend so I tell her everything and don't know how not to 😅

Yeah no hun you can’t tell her anything- and telling narcissists they are narcissists never help. They just learn how to better manipulate you. The thing with narcissists is they don’t want to get help. They like who they are and think you deserve how they treat you. And she’s not your best friend. I say this as my mom made me feel like we were friends and really that just her way of maintaining access to me. The moment I put up boundaries all hell broke loose but it’s worth it! Because narcs will sabotage you. You have to see her for who she is. She’s a narcissist. And narcissistic moms are not your friend. They are your downfall. My best suggestion is to learn about grey rock method. It’s the only way to survive narcissists when you can’t go full on no contact.

@Lyss Thank you. Thank you for not over looking me and for making me feel like I'm not crazy. I'll look into the grey rock method 😊

Does your state have any low-income housing assistance you can qualify for? Do you utilize all low-income resources? Like food stamps, and cash benefits, wic? I’m a young sahm too, feel free to message me for more specific info on how we make it work.

Honestly in that situation I’d find any means necessary to move out. They’re obviously not going to change as they expect u to be the one to do everything since you’re not working. I never encourage anyone to do this but join the army. At least you’re guaranteed a pay check even if you’re on leave. Day care on base that is very affordable cause u pay based on how much u get paid (I pay $300 a month). You’re guaranteed a house for u and ur small family because they give u bah. And if y desire to move far away from ur parents and brothers the army will def make that happen

Where do you live ? Are you in nyc ? Have you tried going into the family shelters with the kids ?

@amber I'm in colorado, I'd rather live here then the shelters because alot of homeless people around us are addicts and I would rather them be in a home that's toxic then a place that is covered in needles. We can't go into denver without someone cracked out approaching us

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