in July 2024 Babies 🇬🇧

Husband not helping during the nights

Hey Mummas. I am writing this post to see if I am being unreasonable. Our baby is almost 10 months old and throughout this period, 98% of the nights have all been on me. The 2% was on nights that I was ill so not like I had a night off tbh. Our LO has never been a great sleeper and so that’s 10 months of sleep deprivation. When I was on mat leave the excuse was that he’s working and I have to admit he works a lot and works long hours. Now I’m back at work and as a lawyer I actually need a functioning brain whereas his job is more physical labour. Recently I suggested that maybe he could do nights that he’s not working the next day. Friday and Saturdays. However, he expects me to wake him up for help. I said well then what’s the point coz I’m up anyway. He said he will try and to leave it to him. The last two nights he didn’t get up at all to our son’s cries and said it was because he was in a deep sleep and I should’ve woken up. When I try to bring it up, I’m accused of trying to start an argument and things get heated and he swears at me. He doesn’t understand that I wouldn’t be bringing it up if he just stuck to his word. Can someone tell me their view on this coz my marriage feels like it’s falling apart and I can’t take it anymore.

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My view on it two words, weaponised incompetence. He’s a grown man and just as responsible for this baby as you are, him expecting you to wake him up to tell him the baby is crying is just his way of hoping you cut out the middle man and just do it yourself. Very selfish of him to prioritise his sleep over yours now you’re back to work and in a demanding job and you’ve already prioritised his sleep over yours for the past 10 months. He needs to buck his ideas up tbh and also realise that you having a convo with him over it isn’t you trying to start an argument. Maybe if he takes it as that its because he feels some guilt about it that he doesn’t want to own up to. Very childish behaviour tbh, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all :(

Your marriage will continue to fall apart if he doesn’t get his shit together. By no means you should think that you are being unreasonable. Hell no!

My husband is similar, but he struggles to get the baby back down to sleep and he tends to Co sleep with me once he wakes. What we do is my husband takes him when he wakes the days he isn't working and I lay in and get more sleep

I agree with the other posters, sounds like weaponised incompetence!! He really should be doing more and the attitude stinks. You definitely need to be able to think straight for your job, I also have a job where its quite thought-intensive and I’m stressing about how I’ll manage… HOWEVER…just to give another perspective, I sometimes don’t wake up to my baby’s cries in the middle of the night. So do try to stick to your agreement, if he’s on nights, then do wake him up. Yes you’ll be up but you can probably get back to sleep quicker than if you went to the baby. Plus over time he might miraculously get better at waking up in the night (ie half-asleep him might realise he needs to get up more!

Hey lovely, all I can help with is recommending our food and sleep consultant, Amanda. Babe is asleep by 6:30pm, and wakes up at around 7:30am. Obviously, with longer wake windows bedtime will he slightly later but Amanda’s programme just works. Regular meals and naps (going down to one soon) 🙏🏼 This will give you and your husband the much needed rest you both deserve, plus your little one will be happy and calm too. No wakes at night (since we did the programme at 6 months old) it’s really amazing 🙏🏼 links below, you’ve got this x https://www.instagram.com/throughtheeyesofaparent?igsh=MWgxbGg2bWtrbGloMg==

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