Coping with newborn and toddler alone

no advice but following for any tips and advice too. i’m not on my own just yet, but partner goes back to work on the 28th and, even tho he’ll be home and not away like your situation, he does shift work 4 days on 4 days off and the days he does work are long days, his first two days back at 8am until 7pm, and he’ll have to leave for work at 7am and won’t be back until near 8pm, i’m dreading doing those whole days by myself and don’t know how i’ll cope as i have a 3 year old who is pushing boundaries like no one’s business 😭 so defiant, rude, isn’t listening to me, tells me no. he was never like this, always well mannered, always listened, was so well behaved but these last months he’s been ruthless and seems to have gotten worse since baby arrived and i just want my sweet boy back 😭xxx

I hope everything works out okay for you when your partner does go back to work! Has your eldest got much of a routine at the moment? This is exactly my son with boundaries he comes out with some stuff and I’m in shock! I know his age doesn’t help but even 2 months ago he was not this bad. He’s went from 0-100 so fast and I’m struggling to cope. I tried to remove him today and put him at the bottom of the stairs but I stayed with him and said we’ll calm down together and he just laughed and me and said no and ran away and being on my own with a screaming new born there’s only so much I can take and give before I do give up and then he think he’s just got away with it but then I don’t want to hold a grudge for too long with him it’s so hard as he was also such a sweet sweet boy xx

my eldest had a routine that’s done slightly out the window, i want to create more of a routine for our days though, like at the moment the only real routine we have is the bedtime routine which he still plays up for. i’m thinking it might be handy to have an all day routine so like activities in the morning, maybe going for a walk once a day in the afternoon might help. him being a boy means so much energy that i need to get him out or he goes crazy at home but getting out hasn’t been entirely possible recently. we’ll get into the groove of things im sure. my one is definitely going through a phase as other mums with a child same age has said they’re struggling with their 3 year olds it seems to be universal, and yours is 2 so that would be the terrible twos people speak of 🤣 but having a new baby causing behavioural changes in children anyway. that’s the thing i feel i’m giving up sometimes too bcos the newborn needs me so i can’t spend too long trying to punish him. its hard xxx

So I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 week old. Things I have been doing to try and give me 1 on 1 time: Putting baby to sleep in moses basket. Letting them have sleep on me for a bit so we get the cuddles but then putting them into the moses basket for sleep. If they really won't sleep putting them in a carrier might work? If they have a wake window then I put them on their play mat/swing/sit with us to play (rotate these 3) so again getting the 1 on 1 time or getting baby involved in play time with us. Other things I'm doing so toddler doesnt get jealous and to try and curb unwanted behaviour is: Never saying no when around baby. If doing something i dont like then asking them to do something else ie toddler was playing too close to babies head and pretty much squishing him. She wouldn't move so I said baby wanted a different view and moved him slightly to give them both space. She accepted this. I let her kiss and touch and hold him as much as she wants. Never say no no matter how repetitive it is.

Let her help me as much as possible whether its handing me a bottle, giving me wipes or a nappy, etc. I got a little caddy for stuff that she can give me so she feels included. And one that I didnt realise but think is the most important rhat another parent told me was that I now use is: "hold on baby brother its toddlers time now." I show toddle that im putting down the baby and focusing on them. I elaborate by saying to baby "I have to focus on toddler now and that's okay because I have to be toddleds mummy as well as baby's mummy because otherwise toddler would be sad wouldn't you and we wouldn't want that would we?" And then start a conversation about how much I love them and love being their mummy and then go on from there to normal mum and toddler conversations that we talk about. Then when its babies turn I do the same thing but tell toddler that its babies turn now. The baby won't remember this. Even if they are crying and screaming. The toddler will remember if we are always with

Baby and never giving them any attention so trying to make sure I show them that im not all about the baby. Its so hard though to balance. Im actually finding thst rhe hardest part of going from 1 to 2 and the mum guilt is so hard. You've got this though! Be kind to yourself! ❤️

Very much in the trenches with you on this. We've had a particularly trying weekend after thinking that my 2.4 year old son had turned a leaf, but it's's been 48 hours of screaming at the slightest inconvenience and generally being a particularly unpleasant child. Trying all the different methods suggested and trying to remain reassured and positive that this too shall pass and will just be a phase. My mum's advice to me was to ask for help from anyone you can and not feel like you are a failure for doing so.

Ah the juggle with a toddler and newborn is tough! I’ve got a 2.5yr old boy and 5 week old, and my husband works away during the week, so I’m solo parenting apart from the weekends. I’ve found bedtimes especially challenging as baby wants to cluster feed, and toddler is tired so emotions are big and he starts playing up. A few things that I’ve been trying to do: Getting out the house every morning. I’ve just got a double buggy as my toddler wasn’t doing very well with the buggy board, and that’s made it easier. Setting up an activity for my toddler, like a craft, or lining up his trains, putting out a puzzle he hasn’t done in a while etc. I sort this in the evening when he’s in bed, so that it’s ready for the next day. Narrating when I’m putting my toddler first, e.g. saying to the baby “I’m going to get X his snack now, so you’ll have to wait while I make sure he’s ok, and then it will be your turn” and vice-versa if I need my toddler to wait.

But I definitely feel the mum guilt too. I hate that my toddler isn’t getting the same attention he used to, and also hate leaving my Newborn to cry! I’ve been getting help where I can. I try to get to my mum’s house one day a week, and sometimes my sister in law comes over for a few hours. And not specific help with the children, but I’ve got a cleaner who comes once a fortnight, and that at least takes some load off me for keeping on top of the house! Fingers crossed we all start to find a rhythm that works for us!

No advice really, my partner works shifts so does a mix of days, back shifts and nightshifts. I have a very similar age gap - my oldest is three in September. He’s pushing boundaries at the moment and fighting for attention. Some days he likes his little brother and other days he screams when I pick him up or feed him 🫠 My baby is a Velcro baby and doesn’t like being put down at the moment. I’ve found using a carrier a really good way of keeping baby calm and being able to spend time with my toddler.

I‘m in the same situation! Having a newborn is tough enough but I really underestimated the struggles my toddler is going through. She’s having proper tantrums (never really experienced them with her) and crying a lot more. Can somebody please share when siblings get used to the new situation? Are they going back to „normal“ behaviour?