Am I being unreasonable?
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My baby is was on born 5/8 we got discharged on 5/9 after being in the hospital starting on 5/5 for an induction. I had a couple visitors in the hospital but I told everyone no visitors for the first week maybe two depending on how I was feeling. I’m so glad we set that boundary. I would say if you feel like having her is gonna stress you out or make you uncomfortable ask her to not come. She can come when you feel ready
you are not being unreasonable, she doesnt need to be there whilst you are going through such a heavy shift mentally and physically and 5 days is quite a long time for you to be going in and out for privacy.. its your time to bond with YOUR baby dont let anyone pressure you, you are allowed to change your mind and have a choice and whoever’s feelings get hurt in a process isnt whats important here- as long as you and baby are healthy and happy thats all what matters
You are not being unreasonable at all. I was pissed when my husband's uncle, his entire family (wife and three kids), my SIL and her friend showed up to our tiny apartment when my son was a week old. I thought that it was only going to be his uncle and my SIL. His family is very loud and kept asking very invasive questions about my episiotomy (i didn't have one) if they could see my son's nipples (apparently they would be able to tell if our next child would be a boy or girl based on our son's nipples). I was still recovering from covid. We only had one bathroom and his entire family had to use it constantly, making it impossible for me to change out my soiled pads. I ended up closing the living room door on them and shutting myself and my son off from everyone. My mum said I was being rude, I told her I didn't care. I didn't want them there in the first place. I did my best for the first 3 hrs of them being there. There is nothing wrong with asking for her to delay her trip a few weeks
Not unreasonable at all! I was so grumpy when family came over the day we got back from the hospital unannounced and more stopped by without notice the days following. Maybe you could redirect her help to be more helping with meal prep and cleaning and less with baby? Or maybe have it arranged where she doesn’t stay with you.
I wouldn’t accept visits - but my father in law stayed for a week when the baby was born - he helped a lot with cleaning , washing and cooking and I couldn’t care less about everything else (like bf etc) if you think she can help and you make that clear with your partner that she is here to help and with her - this might work and give you all the help you would need. If she coming and excepting to be looked after by you or your partner - then it won’t work
@justyna she sees our home as a ‘holiday’, she came to stay at Christmas when I was 20 weeks pregnant and I’ve not had the easiest pregnancy, but I was still expected to make sure she was fed three times a day and entertained, taken out on day trips etc so she wasn’t bored. I’m not expecting any different this time around
No you're not. You've also got this huge new thing happening to you that you would be naturally apprehensive about and it's another thing for your brain to have to worry about and focus on when it's pretty much taken up by an impending child birth. The only people we saw in the first few weeks were my parents and that was because they were helping with the house. My mum came to clean, help me get started on breastfeeding, bring food etc. My step mum also came to bring food and help clean etc because it was so new. None of them stayed overnight. It's a lot to get your head around. I said no to my SIL because I was still struggling to climb the stairs and needed 15 minutes to wee because it hurt so much. I didn't want to inch around in front of my BIL with stitches in my vagina. Sounds like you're husband is a bit naive to what you're about to go through physically! I had a rule, if I had to make them a cup of tea, they weren't coming.
You are NOT being unreasonable! Especially as first time parents- I’m due my baby soon and I’m keeping an open mind too even tho I really want a water birth but our bodies sometimes play us and things don’t go to plan so we need to be prepared. I also want to breastfeed and I have my bil who lives with us too (I moved in my husbands home after marriage, we’re 27 he’s 24) and my mil is a wheelchair user. She has good mobility since I’ve come into her life so I can somewhat rely on her in terms of watching baby as I’ll be keeping Moses basket in her room bc I’m planning to rest as much as I can after baby (up to six weeks) and obviously I’ll have to breastfeed in private which is our attic bedroom. It’s our first baby too and rainbow baby, we’re going tell guests to not visit for the first six weeks especially bc I’ll need my husband’s help before he goes back to work.
I feel like ppl should understand when we don’t want them around in the beginning bc it really is too much and it’s mum and dad’s first time meeting baby too! Are we supposed to cater to guests or be parents?! It’s unfair, this is what we’ve agreed on but if I start to feel better then I can invite guests early. I suppose if your mil does end up coming she should help out with any house work (not the baby!) and just be there to support you but personally I think she should wait to visit and allow you to get into routine first, good luck! 💖
If I were in your position I would ask to hold off the visit for now with things changing and you going overdue. You can’t make these decisions before baby is born and you know how you will feel around visitors. You’re not being unreasonable and husband should support with this - you are the one giving birth.
I had family come down from Newcastle to Southampton when I was only 6days post C-section. Luckily they didn’t stay are our house but there were here 9-6pm every day for a week. It was nice having the help etc but I felt it did stop me trying to breastfeed or pump as I didn’t want to have to isolate myself from everyone to do it. It’s totally up to you but not having people stuck on the house would probably make things smoother for you and your baby bubble when time comes. Could you try and see if they could come a different week because baby is due anytime x
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable! I waited until my LO was 2 months old to have my in-laws visit because I wanted to enjoy the newborn bubble/ be able to relax in my own house.