Still pregnant and anxious about it Mil

I’m 28 weeks pregnant and my mother in law is really nice. However, my anxiety about how she’s going to be when the baby boy is here is getting me down and almost ruining the pregnancy for me. She’s brought soooooo much stuff for the baby but won’t tell me what or won’t bring it around for us to have at the house. I wonder if she is doing this to keep it to bring around when the baby is born so she’s always got an excuse to come over. It’s also really not helpful when we are trying to buy stuff and we don’t know what she’s already got. It’s my baby shower next month and in a group chat about it MIL has written in there- ‘does anyone mind if I buy the monitor? He is my first grandchild after all’ all whilst my own mum is in the group chat- it’s also her first grandchild and my mum would never say anything like that- I just think it’s a very weird thing to say. My partner works away and I’m so worried about her coming over all the time that I’m even already thinking about how I might have to lock the doors and pretend I’m asleep or not in so she can’t come over unannounced. I am aware that these situations haven’t happened yet so it might never even happen but it’s worrying me so much and my partner is obviously used to her and keeps saying ‘she’s just excited’. I just don’t know what to do!!

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My MIL was the same but I was really grateful postpartum for everything she had done and even now I’ve spilt up with the father of my baby I’m still good mates with her.

We’ve had similar from some people and I’ve just bought what I want and said if anything’s unused it’ll be donated. Completely grateful for gifts but if people are being strange about my prep, that’s on them. 🙃 Re unannounced visits, I’m putting a lot of emphasis on baby’s immune system and trying to draw that boundary. It is really hard though.

I understand how you can feel overwhelmed as it's like she's taken all the fun out of buying. It can be two ways either she is trying to be helpful and not realising she is overstepping or like you say is using it as an excuse. If it were me I'd let her buy the stuff, brilliant saves you money doesn't it.,she can keep it at her house if you double up on things and it's not like the baby is going to be there but lets her feel like she's doing something and if she's wasting money then that's on her!! Also, you need to speak to your partner and say you won't be having any visitors until YOU ARE READY to. You will be sore, tired and trying to bond with baby. You definitely need to set that boundary NOW. L

I would ask your partner to talk to her mom. Saying your both appreciate what she is doing but that you also need your space as new parents and you need her to back off a little. If after that she doesn't get it, other talks will be needed That may be nice for some people but personally I wouldn't stand that kind of overbearing behavior. That's her first grandkid but that's firstly your first baby and she needs to back off if her behavior make you feel uncomfortable. Please speak up for you and your family.

Honestly, I felt like this my entire pregnancy and I really let it ruin my experience, but the actual experience with people afterwards didn't match my expectations and most people have been fine, if not, really really helpful. As for unannounced visitors, I simply wouldn't answer the door. I actually didn't like unannounced visits pre-baby, so absolutely don't appreciate it now when I'm usually trying to catch an hour of sleep when baby goes down, or I'm breastfeeding and don't want to answer the door half naked. I'd also consider being upfront with people and asking them to call in advance, anyone who shows up unannounced then can't complain.

I absolutely get how you feel, I felt similarly about my MIL when I was pregnant (baby is now 4 months). I made sure to set boundaries while pregnant. This doesn’t have to be done in a way that upsets her and you can frame it in a way that it’s boundaries for everyone so she doesn’t feel that it’s targeted toward her. So I would say all the time “we won’t be answering the door to visitors unless we invite them over first” to make sure that she knew she couldn’t just turn up. You may find that she is different when the baby comes. I definitely built it up in my head that my MIL would be overbearing and she’s not as bad as I thought she’d be 😅

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