Childcare help

i’m with my boys dad and still don’t have time to breath, he doesn’t settle for his dad, cries when i walk out the room. he’s 4 months old and i haven’t been able to leave him with anybody. if i really need to breath, i put him in the pushchair and we go for a walk. i know it’s not away from him but he falls asleep so i feel like o get the me-time i need. even 8pm at night if i need to breath we just go for a walk. i’m sorry it’s probably not the advice you wanted but we are everything to our babies at the moment, they don’t know the world away from us. it does get hard, i sympathise with you there

@Ellesse ah thank you for the reply, I just feel so isolated, I love my baby so much, but I need to try and make something work, I feel like her dad loves her a bit less because of this, which breaks my heart. He wouldn’t speak to me when I got home, there was a lot of tension, and I feel so guilty hearing her cry when I got back 😢

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. Can I ask why dad gets to decide that he can't cope with the crying? I get that it's really really tough to hear baby crying, but he needs to step up. He should be your partner in this, not another thing you need to worry about. Could you suggest building up time with her and not you? Five minutes to walk around the block today, ten minutes to have a shower tomorrow with absolutely no interruptions, etc. Etc. Even if he is working full time, and you are on maternity leave/ not working, childcare needs to be shared when he is home.

@Natalie the sad thing is he works from home, and he has really flexible working hours so he can pick and choose when he works, some days he doesn’t work at all. I’ve given him lots of solutions on how I would soothe her, including wrapping her up in my T-shirts or putting her in the pram, but if she cries in public he gets embarrassed and will go straight home, I think this is a massive adjustment for him and I want to help him adjust like I have. The most time I spent away from her was a job interview recently, and I think that’s really sad 😂 whereas he can play golf with his friends or go diving, and I’m still here doing nothing 🤷‍♀️ I’m meant to be going to a spa at the end of the month, and I’m having to drop the baby off with my grandma as he doesnt think the baby will cope with him 😢

It will get better over time. I know some days it seems never ending but it does get better. Dad needs to understand he’s got just as much responsibility and that the more time he spends with little one the more use to it both of them will get. I don’t think some males understand it’s the constant mental load as well as the physical load. Even when you do get a break you’re anxious. It’ll all come with time, work together and keep each other in the loop otherwise resentment may develop. You’ve got this x