Deferring school for summer born

We've made a decision to defer our summer born child and send him to reception next year.
We feel he's too young for school and he had terrible experience at nursery leading us to remove him when he was 2.5 years old. I quit my job to be a stay at home. He's become much happier and more confident with kids and adults.

I want to home educate long term but my husband is unsure. So for this year he won't be starting school.

Just wondering if there's anyone else out there thinking and doing the same.

I know not everyone can stay home and we don't really have any more support and I've also got my five month old baby. People think I'm crazy but I just want to be with my kids as long as possible and my son has been vocal about not going to school. He doesn't want to be on his own. And I feel this is valid.

Anyone else or is everyone else strong and sending their kids to school.

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You do what's best for your child. If I had the brains I would home school. Expensive getting tutors.
I'm glad your little boy is happier. My little is ready for school, intelligent. but can struggle emotionally. He also thinks his nursery teachers are going with him :(
If you lived Scotland, they wouldn't be starting until next August anyway. Sorry I haven't got better advice buy good luck and enjoy your little boy at home for another year. Xx

Hey , we are home educating our little girl we pretty much decided this not long after she was born . If you’ve decided to defer you could spend this year home educating and see how you feel by this time next year and that might help your husband too . There are some really good home education groups on Facebook if you use it and you will probably find a group local to you too . Good luck with your journey 😊

Do they actually start reception next year though? I was under the impression that they had to start in year 1 with their year group and skip reception which is what put me off deferring 🫤

I'm not exactly sure. We've submitted an out of year admission. So I think it means it starts reception but out of his current year group who would go to reception this September. But the headteacher said he would be able to skip reception and go into year 1. Which might be fine as we plan to home ed this year. So he'll probably be ready for that.

@Eli In almost all cases where a summer born child defers, they are ‘educated out of year group’ and would do their reception year rather than go straight into year 1. A school has to prove it would be in the child’s best interest to miss reception, which of course it usually isn’t and would be detrimental. In my experience in teaching we have had a few children defer (it is becoming more common now though) and all of those children have started in their reception year.
The only real sticking point can comes later, where a secondary school doesn’t have to allow a child that’s previously been educated out of year group to continue to do so, as you have to re apply to the local authority to have it continued. But again, bar a few scarce examples where a child has been put back in the correct cohort, most will end up being educated out of year group for their entire schooling.

@Chloe thank you so much. This is really useful. I feel 4 is too young for him to be in school. And in all honesty if they skipped him ahead to year 8 when he is doe at primary I don't see that being an issue academically unless he's really behind.

I feel it levels out as they get older but I'm just not keen on him being so little in with kids nearly 9 months older than him and being assessed as if they are all the same.

A friend of mine is a teacher and she suggested he'd be bored in reception if I keep him back when he goes at age 5 years and 3 months but it seems not as there would still be foundational stuff covered there and it would ease him in more.

I just don't understand how they could even fit him into a full year one class unless someone leaves.

Also what's the likelihood of him not getting a place at this school again next year? We live 5 minutes walk to the school. A teaching assistant lives on our street also who works at the school.

That's my main concern although we have budgeted for and put him on a waiting list for a private forest school which is three days per week. So that would be our back up if there was any issues.

The research does indicate that it indeed levels out later on. And you are absolutely right in that they’re all held to the same standards and no allowance is made for the fact that some children are almost a year older than others, whilst they are assessed as individuals, ultimately, at the moment at least, they’ll all be assessed against the same early learning goals as having met or not met them.
I don’t agree with your friend, there is so much to gain from a foundation year; even if your child has had home ed for a year before. And absolutely agree one of the main benefits would be a smoother transition, with children all new to the school, rather than finding his feet in an already established classroom and peer group where relationships have already been made- of course it’s possible and lots of children do it successfully, but given the choice, I would want my child to have the reception year.
In terms of likelihood of getting a place again, I’d say if it’s an average..

Sized primary and you live within catchment, pretty likely. Unless there’s an exceptionally high birth rate next year, lots of LAC or EHCP that are allocated as a priority etc that could bump you down the list, but a 5min walk is very close for catchment.

@Chloe ah wish I knew that before! The thing is though, academically he is ready, it's just emotional and social that's the issue but he's been referred for ASD anyway which the school knows about so it potentially wouldn't make much difference. If anything I probably would have only wanted to do it until after Christmas term rather than a whole year so wouldn't really be in his best interests. But thanks for the information x

I am not deferring but I agree with your reasoning and desire to keep your kid at home for one extra year of play. I also think 4 is waaay too young, in many other European countries kids start much later and I feel in the UK the schooling is organised in the way that works better for the system and government and public finances, not for the kids’ development. There is a lot of value in free play at this age so pro-longing that is great

in our community

Your husband's boss has children similar aged to yours and he invited the family over so us wives and children could meet... How terrified would you be

I've been freaking out

Am I overreacting???

So I have a younger sister (23yr old ) she has 3 kids , 5,2 & 1 yr old .
She is constantly asking for me to baby sit for free .Which at first i didn’t mind wtv but now it’s constant & I’m tired of it .I have my own kid to take care of and tbh I don’t like taking care of my nephews … I love them to death but I just can’t with 4 kids by my self …. She asked if I can babysit again tomorrow for 4 hours I said “sure for a small golden eagle coffee frm Dutch bros “and she got upset … girl I’m done

Am I a bad mom?

Hi Mamas,

Am I wrong for wanting to leave my baby with my husband for a few hours so I can eat dinner with my brother? I just feel like I need some time away and honestly, with taking care of the baby all day, I am starting to resent my husband.

I know it’s just the woes of parenting, but he comes home after work and doesn’t have to do much.

Is this all in my head ?

I finally have a little time to myself. A family member came and picked up my two older kids and I’m left here with my baby boy but for some reason now that they’re gone and it’s not so much I have to do. I realize how depressed I am my partner is in the military, and I feel like he doesn’t want to come back. I am carrying all the way on my own emotionally. I don’t have any friends all I do is work and try my best to clean and do homework for myself. Part of me wants to call them and tell them to come back home, but I know once the kids come back I’m going to be overwhelmed all over again, but I can’t enjoy the alone time that I have because I’m stuck in my head.

Going no contact with in laws, undecided.

Hey. So this is a bit of a long winded situation forgive me if you have to read on forever. Advice is really appreciated. I don't want to feel like I'm weaponising my child or using her as leverage in any way so I really need some honest advice as my concerns are genuine.

Since announcing our pregnancy , my sister in law and her 19 year old daughter have gone from being super close with us, to ignoring us completely. I mean ignoring scans, not asking how we are, ignoring our attempts to make plans for other family members birthdays, nothing. Unfortunately my partner's dad has been undergoing intensive cancer treatment so it has been a super delicate and emotional time for everyone, but everyone else in the family including father in law has been really excited for us and made space for this good thing amongst the bad which I'm so grateful for as I didn't expect it at all. We've tried not to make it seem like the most important thing going on right now and been there for support, meal prepped his parents some food for those days they've spent at hospital and can't make dinner, we've not done gender reveal parties or baby showers as a result of this big fall out / perhaps it not being the right time either.

So the sister in law has a history of making things about her, and upsetting people with her behaviour. It's not the first time, she did it over her brother's wedding because things didn't go her way. So I was semi prepared for a bit of resentment / inability to be happy for us. But I was still really quite hurt when it materialised. My first trimester was spent really upset not understanding what I did wrong to them to deserve them not welcoming my baby. We put our foot down after a few months of being ignored and decided to call out the behaviour, and we just got a complete attack in return. Apparently we are responsible for the fact she doesn't have a partner for support through her dad's cancer diagnosis, apparently we don't show up for the parents as much as she does (she works from home and lives round the corner, we are one hour away) apparently her daughter prefers how my partner was with her before I came along. Lots of things that just show resentment came up and we've had no apology for it, some of it felt like it came completely out of the blue. Apparently they were ignoring us because before Christmas we didn't like a photo of her daughter Infront of a Christmas tree. (We were going through some really sad stuff at the time). We have explained this, and said it's not really on the same scale as ignoring the existence of an entire new baby for months. It just felt like she was clutching at straws and throwing lots of punches rather than telling the truth as to why they decided to become upset with us after we became pregnant.

I've kept quiet, I've been in hospital twice with heart palpitations which turned out to be panic attacks. Had to go on anti depressants which made me really unwell for MONTHS, not keeping food or water in. Like I've not been okay at all and have communicated on two occasions that I need this to stop for the sake of baby whatever the issue is, theres more important things happening. Completely ignored. It's made things tricky in a sense of the family getting together too. My other sister in law (married to partners brother) is disgusted at how she's behaved and doesn't want much to do with her because she's been on the receiving end also.

I've had to scroll my feed and see bitchy videos from my niece about how 'talking to her is a privilege not an option ' with sister in law commenting things like 'damn right' after we were the ones ignored for months. The whole situation is just silly. But it's upset me a lot.

I've loved these girls like my own family for the past four years, but the way they've made me break down and put my baby at risk I really don't feel like I can move past. They obviously have a lot of resentment for me and I just feel like I can't then trust them around my baby, I feel like they don't deserve to get to hold my child or even look at her and I can't get past that feeling. My partner is in full support as he's seen how upset it has made me, he's been as worried as me at times for babys health amongst this.

I don't want any contact, have had them blocked for months anyway but I have a feeling they may try to show up when baby's here. What would you do?

There are a lot of details and things done and said left out but it's the jist of it. I've not spoken to them, I tried to reach out yet another time for this to stop and they ignored me and continued to ignore us revealing the gender too, but went straight on to wishing people a happy birthday in the same family chat the following day.

Is there any way to make space for your child to have a relationship when they've disrespected the mum and disregarded her feelings, health etc during pregnancy?

I've gotten to a stage I've dealt with it and have kind of decided what I think of them after all this, but having to make that decision on behalf of your child is something I've not experienced before.

Anyone else's husband?

I'm 8 days pp with our 4th baby, the others are all under the age of 4. Literally still in diapers, and my husband has the audacity to ask me to suck his dick today. Twice. He mentioned earlier this morning how horny he's been for days and my response was I'm sorry I still got like 5 weeks to go and he made some stupid comment about me having hands and a mouth still. I know he was joking he's not that much of an asshole lol but the last thing I want to do right now is be sexual. I feel like a milking cow and I'm wearing diapers like. Anyone else's husband? He's very open about the fact that he's been like taking care of it himself if you get me but that's been a thing in our relationship and im fine with it, it's just like asking me only a week after having an unmedicated vbac now back at home taking care of 4 kids and as im getting ready to finally go to sleep youre gonna ask me for that?