Not child related but am I the asshole?
Long story short, me and my partner have been together 12 years. 10 years ago, he was drunk and we were having sex and he called me another girls name. Instead of saying “I love you (my name)” it was someone else’s… not just someone else’s but my cousins name. Obviously I got off of him and I was angry, so ANGRY. He only made it worse by telling me he was going to propose to me that night only I was too upset and I was ruining it. We continued to fight the next day and things were on egg shells for easily a few weeks and as things were talked out he talked about how he called me someone else’s name and not the proposal thing. Recently my brother has got engaged, his sister is getting married and I’m a bridesmaid, his brother is getting married in a few weeks etc so it’s only natural that we are getting the “why are you two not engaged yet? You’ve two kids but no signs of marriage yet?” Kind of remarks and that’s brought up memories from that night. Flash forward to today and we were joking and he said something along the lines of “would I lie to you” and that memory of him clearly lying about proposing to me rushed forward and I just went quiet and since that he pushed and pushed to know why I was quiet and what he had lied about. So I told him and he didn’t remember ever saying it at all and now he’s annoyed that 1. I’m pressuring him apparently. I don’t feel like I am, if it was a deal breaker I wouldn’t be here after all these years. And 2. Telling me he’ll sort it to please me essentially and he got very mad when I told him if it wasn’t mutually wanted then not to bother.
Am I the asshole here? What do I even say because obviously now I feel like he doesn’t want it and he’s going to try harder to make it happen but only to please me…. I’ve put myself in the bathroom to cry and have peace because I don’t want to be that girl that cries when they have discussions with their partner. I don’t feel like I can talk to family or friends about this and need this off my chest.
Thank you in advance x
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
I don't think you're being an AH but I'm kind of confused. Why didn't you confront him the next day about why he said your cousins name? I'd be speaking to my cousin as well because that would make me super suspicious and I'd want to get to the bottom of it!
I think the proposal thing when drunk was probably just a stupid drunk thing to say to try and get himself out of trouble tbh. I was with my ex for years and when I left he said "I would marry you tomorrow if I knew it bothered you that much" but that wasn't the point, I wanted him to want to, not because it bothered me! But I got the same with people asking us when we were going to get married or start a family, every birthday/Christmas/new year/ valentines day! 🤦🏼♀️ So I get that it's annoying and if you've since spoken about that and you're not on the same page then you might need a sit down to discuss but I'd be resolving the cousin thing first before I waste my time!
Hope it all works out, sorry you've been disrespected x
Download the Peanut App
