Thoughts?

That’s absolutely wrong!!!!!!
I work in education (all be it secondary) and I wouldn’t tell any child to stop crying! Certainly not a 3 year old in an unfamiliar surroundings

I’d be livid

I would be furious honestly

Not to be too dramatic (I am 😂) but I’d be so cross and this is the kinda thing that gives me immediate bad vibes and would have my back up.
What an awful way to start their relationship with him and with you!
Of course some children are going to find the transition harder than others, of course some are going to be upset and cry- it’s their job to try and reassure, support, and try to coregulate him. Not to effectively tell him off and basically say his emotions aren’t valid and he should be concerned how it’s affecting others. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Omg! Thanks ladies! I honestly thought I was being dramatic 😂 I am fuming but trying to keep a lid on it. I just thought, you're making him feel responsible and bad for all the other kids crying and even if he was setting them off, it's still not his fault. Only problem is, with him being so young, I don't know how well I can trust his interpretation although he's always been very advanced with speech so I do believe him x

How should I approach without causing friction?

id ring and ask to speak to the SENDCO tbh!

it could have been calmly like "oh don't cry, look you're making the other children cry" rather than abrupt, STOP crying, this is what I mean , I don't know the tone or context x

Although regardless how it was said, he's clearly dwelling on it

in that case maybe ring and speak to the class teacher and say your son was quite upset after transition day and reports he was told to stop crying and ask can she shed any light on what happened!
It’s a non confrontational way of clarifying this

Id then remind her that your little one is on the ASD pathway and can be sensitive etc! Xx

they told me he calmed down after 10 mins of cuddles so that's maybe why they didn't call so I'm pleased that they comforted him but I just don't understand why they would say something like that to him and made him feel bad, that's clearly not going to stop him from crying and only making him feel worse with shame and guilt 😫

thanks, my daughter goes to the school so I might just ask next time I drop off. I think it made it worse because all the children came at once because they let us all in at the same time and they were a bit late so it was a bit chaotic getting them all in with a few already upset then he really needed a wee so he dashed in then realised I wasn't following and tried to come back but the TA grabbed him and carried him back in so he didn't get to say bye 😔 in fairness, they don't know but he has a whole routine about saying bye so that would have set him off even more and with the chaos and him dashing off, I didn't get chance to say and then it was too late.
So I am going to say that next week, they need to allow time for him to do his routine as it will help him accept that I'm leaving and regulate him. Then I could maybe add in that it really upset what the teacher had said about him crying xx

I did ask if I need to speak to sendco before he starts and they said no

yeah I think this is for the best! They need to understand his needs and should have been forthcoming with some meetings to establish his routine and support needed!
Bless him it’s so hard xx

thank you, it is so hard to navigate,.I don't want to come across as helicopter parenting or complaining but it's obviously in their best interest to know how to support him as well. He is adamant he doesn't want to go back so I need to speak to someone before his session next week..thanks so much for your advice and moral support xx

Absolutely wrong they should have validated his feelings, “I know your feeling sad because you’ve had to leave mummy, but you’re being such a brave boy and I bet mummy can’t wait to hear all about the fun things we can do here”

One of the children at preschool was having a super hard time waiting for a turn on a toy the other day and I validated it “I know it’s really hard to wait but it will be your turn soon and you’ll have so much fun” just so happened the school teachers were there at the moment they said wow you completely turned that around I was expecting him to have a tantrum! Sometimes kids just need to know that we understand how they feel and that actually we totally get it and can sympathise! Not to be told to man up! I’d have to say something!

I'm so glad you agree ❤️ I've been gutted since he told me, it was a couple of hours after we got home and he's brought it up a few times so he's obviously dwelling on it.
I've messaged a lady in the office who knows about him and just asked her to ask the teacher or sendco to call me before his next session because he is feeling very negative and refusing to go back! So hopefully if they call I discuss about his goodbye routine and I'll just mention what he said and say that I understand I don't know the context or tone but either way, that's the message her has received and is repeatedly recounting and I don't agree with it x

I have a meeting tomorrow with maxis teacher and senco and when I did my stay and play with him I noticed a couple of things il be pointing out to them don’t be afraid to say it and don’t worry about being “that parent” cos actually you are the expert in your child’s needs and you know him best x

exactly, I am saying it to make their lives easier too and if they don't want him setting the other kids off then they need to listen to me lol x

This is horrible and I would be fuming. Was this at nursery or school? Even if it was "don't cry you are making other children cry" this is still wrong and will only make him more upset for upsetting others

it was at his transition morning 😔 so now he's dwelling on it thinking it's naughty to cry and that it was his fault the others were sad so I've asked for the teacher or senco to call me. Also I told him that the teacher was fibbing it wasn't his fault and it's ok to cry if he feels sad x