My daughter meeting her dads new partner

The first thing I thought is you honestly don’t have to say yes right away and you can take all the time in the world to agree to it if you want. You also don’t need to rush into an agreement, it sounds like she hasn’t even moved here yet. They should really settle first and make sure it’s permanent before introducing her to your girl. Especially if you haven’t met her before. You should propose your own timeline as to what would make you comfortable and what your kid will understand and prioritise her wellbeing not theirs. If you’re as friendly as you say, he should understand this and realise his actions created this situation and he should be respectful to your timeline and consider how introducing someone else will impact your family dynamic.

I'm sorry you're going through this and even have to think about it. If you want to I'd definitely consider asking to meet her before she meets your child. I met my stepsons mum before I met him and he was maybe 8 so not even small and they'd been separated for a long time too. Make sure you're confident in your daughters dad and his care of your daughter first too (sorry not clear what contact he has with her!).

He says he knows the thought of it is upsetting, but he keeps asking. Hmm.

Thank you so much for all your replies I appreciate it so much. I’ve said no for months though hoping they’d break up but now I know she’s moving here I feel like the problem isn’t going away. I’ve done the last year of parenting completely on my own with a 1/2 year old who doesn’t sleep. I have no family and he never has her overnight because he lives 4 hours away so he comes down and sees her on a Saturday day every couple weeks that’s it. I know eventually she has to meet my daughter I just don’t know how to get over the pain of grieving the family that I wanted with him, and having to see my daughter who’s now 2 years old go and have family time with him and his new partner. Literally feels like someone is stabbing my heart. I just wondered if anyone had gone through similar and had advice on how to make it hurt less

If he's seeing your daughter for such a short period of time, my view would be that she needs to be his priority in that time. And if he wants to commit to seeing her for longer, at that point he can introduce her to the gf? 🤔

I haven’t gone through this yet but I did used to be a ‘stepmum’ and honestly it’s rare that it is ever ‘family time’. In my experience it’s mostly dad and daughter or dad and gf time and can be very awkward when the 2 clash. So straight away you can forget this perfect idea of family tome you have in your head that they will be getting. Your daughter is meeting a stranger, the first few times they meet she may only say 5 words to his gf and 90% of those words are usually what mummy is doing and how much they love mummy etc. You really can’t force these things it only works if the kid is ready and open and best case scenario ‘step mum’ just becomes a fun extra. I don’t think they ever replace mum apart from in the very rare cases where mum maybe isn’t around but even still it’s RARE and tbh you don’t really want to. It is his daughter too so you can’t really stop him but I completely get why you’re upset, I would be crushed if my ex wanted to introduce a new partner to our child.

Completely agree with others though that it would be wise to suggest him moving in with the lass first and making sure it’s a sure thing before introducing her to your daughter as you don’t want them to be unstable and your daughter witness it.