Is it unfair?

It would be unfair to the boys. Yes. Adult issues should never involve the children.

Is he treated different while he’s there? If he has a good time with them, like the kids and adults don’t treat him differently/less than then I would still invite cus if it’s like that, the kids deserve to enjoy having siblings imo. But if he’s like an outcast at events and the kids/adults treat him different then I wouldnt

That is an adult problem. Not a kids problem. You are punishing another child for the actions of their parents.

Set boundaries with other things, like don’t watch the brother if you don’t want to. Put your foot down. But don’t do that to the boys x

Always be the bigger person. I know it’s really hard. I’ve had some family things happen where I had to put my feelings aside as the adult. You need to too. One day your son will grow up and know you did invite his brother. And the other mom will look bad. You got this! I know it sucks.

yea I’ve tried that! Even after I found out they were still messing with each other! When his other kids were down here (different mom they live outta state) he threatened to leave those kids with me and go to her apt. He doesn’t even watch our child, but he lies to her saying he does!

“Kill” them with kindness! Message me if you need to.

I think an important question to ask is are the boys treated the same when they’re together? you said that the Dad shows favoritism, does he show it in front of them? If yes, then don’t invite him because that could breed resentment between the kids. If he doesn’t then invite the kid because then he’ll remember how he was always included.

How is punishing him for his mother’s drama fair?

Just because she’s petty doesn’t mean the boys have to suffer, be the bigger parent and invite the boy. He’ll love to be involved with his brother and at least you are not seen here as the obstruction to their sibling relationship.

Your hurt for your kid being singled out is understandable, but those kids have nothing to do with their father's actions. It sounds like your child has a bond with his siblings. So dont be unfair and petty because the dad has done hurtful things . Adult problems not kid problems

Be the bigger person and the kids will find out the truth one day, you’ll have evidence to show you did your best and it was never you who played favorites or kept your child apart from their siblings.
These people suck but don’t go down to their level. They probably won’t bring him to the party but you did your part.

Thank you guys! I don’t single him out I’ve been watching him since he was 4months he’s 2 now. I’ve never met his mom never spoken to her nothing, but when he’s over here in the one that buys him clothes shoes etc. his dad only buys diapers. My son is only 4 months I was just asking to see if I was wrong or not. I won’t be with the dad much longer.

Always invite him. He’s your son’s family. You’re doing so much to help. Thank you for helping him even though he isn’t your son. Idk what the mom’s problem is!

I would do it to be the ‘bigger person’ and also to be able to throw it in her face if she ever voices any issues! (Also the boys will enjoy time together)

Sorry to hear that incog.

He’s your son’s brother, even if you don’t stay with his father so definitely enjoy the time you have with them both. You sound like you’ve done an amazing job looking after and loving him too.

I’d say when the time comes, give the mum your contact details and leave the door open. She probably has issues due to jealousy but if you and her ex are no longer together, that’s one less obstacle. If she doesn’t try and let the boys have a relationship at least you did and you can tell your boy that one day.

thanks we both agree it’s too late to even try. It’s our bd who’s the issue he never wanted us to meet/connect.

🥴

This definitely calls for being the bigger person and at least inviting the brother. Play the long game. In 5, 10, or even 20 year from now the boys will see who put their needs first.

Also, try to connect with the other mom, he doesn’t get to dictate your relationship with her, especially if you aren’t together any more. Life is long and these boys will have a lifelong connection.

Why is it too late to try?

I'd dump the BD baggage and contact the mumma.

Arrange things through her.

He can not nor should not control you both.

that little girl goes with whatever he says and believes everything she was still messing with him knowing we were together (and pregnant) but once I leave my bd I won’t see the son anyways