What’s better when given these two bad options? Absent father or inconsistent and unstable father?

I would think a inconsistent father would lead to disappointment for the child.

Absent is gone out of the life with no expectations that they might be there or not for special occasions

Absent I rather you not there than to come and go when you want.

Absent is better than continuous disappointment and confusion for the kid

My dad dipping in and out of my life had me always either waiting for him to come back or wondering how longs he going to stay around this time. Now he’s been absent for 5 years by my choice and he rarely crosses my mind and I’m glad he’s out of my life

i’m thinking of it like this….Disobedient Dog or Drop it off at the pound?

Depends on where your own heart is. do you have the heart to love a person who is imperfect? during our short time here on earth is it more beneficial to treats souls like they’re dispensable or should we nurture and foster hurt souls by showing them compassion.
God gifts us free will. But since he is a Just God. our hearts will be searched on the day of judgement. Prayers to you and your family.

Teach your child about the father in heaven before worrying about his earthly dad. That way his expectation will be fulfilled and Jesus will protect his heart. Children are the peace makers, and blessed they will be for it. I Encourage you to set the example for all involved that your heart is capable of great and powerful things by the grace of God.

My son is 12 and hasn't seen his dad since 2017 when he was 3. Before that, his dad would pop in and out whenever he felt like it. Would say he wanted to see him, make plans, and then go ghost for 6 months and show back up. Being inconsistent is, in my opinion, worse than being absent. He has not been in my son's life in 8 years, and my son is not missing out on anything. No broken promises, no getting his hopes up, just nothing. But I have had many conversations with my son about his dad, and he knows he can ask about him or ask to contact him if he wants to, but right now, he is not interested.

As someone who grew up with an inconsistent dad I would have been honestly more stable in life if he hadn't been around at all.

As the child of an inconsistent and unstable father, I’m happy to have had him in my life, and the relationship we had, despite his personal struggles. I’m glad my mom never banished him or prevented him from seeing us when he came around.

A disobedient dog might be annoying, but an inconsistent or unstable parent can cause real harm. We should love imperfect people and nurture hurt souls, sure, but never at the expense of the child. I’d argue that putting a child’s safety and stability first is compassionate.

I think inconsistent is worse. Because, there's visual evidence of this man letting everyone down, including the children, and there's tons of arguing. If he's absent, you would rarely have these.

if the dad is inconsistent and barely showing up that’s his fault not the moms fault for protecting her child’s heart

My mom tried to make my dad try. All it did was give me extreme trust issues. Most of my core life memories come with a heavy pang of disappointment.

Let him be there if he makes the effort to actually show up. But don’t tell your kids plans about dad ahead of time. Happy real Surprises are always more preferable to extreme repeated disappointments.

Id rather the routine of absent than the rollercoaster of inconsistent

Inconsistency, especially from a parent can cause emotional harm & confusion. That’s the bottom line. That passage doesn’t say we should accept behavior that harms our kids. I get your point, we are called to love and pray for others, but not at the expense of a child’s stability or well being. 🤷🏻‍♀️An inconsistent parent may be “loved” from a distance and still prayed for.

Absent is best in my opinion. My dad came a went as he pleased for 15-16 years. When I was pregnant with my son all I wanted was for him to be involved but he wasn’t and it caused my MH to deteriorate. I’m now 22 with 3 children and not having my dad around at all has made me feel so much better than having him come and go x

Proverbs 4:23, 1 Timothy 5:8, Matthew 18:6

Absent dad 100% I had both an in and out dad and an absent one. The absent one hit me way less than in and out. In and out gives them hope for a better future but we all know that man will never actually be better. It’s worse to have them hoping when you know it won’t change, it’s better to just “rip the bandaid off” essentially because usually in and out dads end up becoming absent at some point later on.

none of those Bible quotes say allow people or behaviors to harm your children. None of those passages say teach them expect it or whatever you said. Yes the Bible teaches us to love others and pray for them however you can love them from far away and pray for them too like I said without risking your child’s overall wellbeing. The Bible actually warns against what you are talking about.

“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” Colossians 3:21 the Bible warns against fathers discouraging their children yet you’re cherry picking passages to blame mothers for protecting their kids and putting the weight on the children to expect it or get used to it , that’s weird

Also I interpret Ephesians 6:4 to mean parents, specifically fathers, shouldn’t provoke or frustrate their children and inconsistent parenting does exactly that.

I never said blame mothers and put the weight on the child. what was my original claim? do you remember?

Eph 6:4  And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord

my original messages were about bringing them up in the Lord. that was my original claim.

Well it was comparing a disobedient dog to a inconsistent and unstable father it was also free will, compassion, love and pray for others, people can be trained to be obedient and blah blah

I remember but I don’t understand because what you are implying by saying “do we not believe in humans so much to the point you’d sacrifice what could be from keeping the dad around” and saying “that’s life teach them to cope” all of that implies guilt or blame on the mother and how you think the child should learn to just deal with it. I never got simply bring them up in the Lord, that I agree. I got alot of implying from you and the specific passages you quoted to fit your belief that an absent dad is the worst outcome.

genuine question do you harbor feelings of shame and guilt as a single mom? (i assume you’re a single mom correct me if i’m wrong)

this post doesn’t apply to me bc my child’s father wasn’t “inconsistent” but no , what would be shameful is if I stayed and allowed my child to be harmed or suffer emotionally. I won’t ever subject my child to emotional or physical harm for the sake of a 2 parent home. I don’t feel guilty bc you can’t change everybody, like you think you can , and putting your child’s safety and wellbeing should always come first.

I agree with that , but that’s not what she’s saying she said “ the point is anyone can change , be healed & trained to be obedient. Do we not believe in humans so much to the point you’d sacrifice what could be from keeping the dad around.”

She’s implying here an absent dad is worse and they can change . Specifically that we should try to heal and train them? That’s what I got from it anyways

I didn’t exaggerate anything I literally quoted her 😂& told you what I understood from it. She may have originally claimed to bring them up in the lord but she strayed from that further down. I didn’t say it was serious either I’m on here stating my opinions just like you and just like her :) we interpreted what she said differently , clearly 🥴, and that’s fine

If someone doesn't want to parent, they're more than likely to just be a shitty parent. I used to say an absent parent is 100% better, but then I think of my daughter who just lost her dad over the summer, and I'd much rather her have an inconsistent father than a dead one.
I think it really depends. Every child will respond differently

My moms dad was absent when she turned 6 & never came back but had a whole family when she wanted to see him again at 16 bc he wrote to her. She was so disgusted he wanted her to meet his kids etc.

My husband's dad was inconsistent but there sometimes, he paid child support but didn't really see them & would say he would, broke their hearts often & had 3 more kids- needless his dad drove 8 hours to us, October 2020 to help my husband cosign his new car. We still have that Toyota & talk to his dad frequently/ visited 2 times since🥰

If I were the mom in the situation, I'd prefer absent dad. Then I could raise kids without considering dad...without having to worry if he will show up or not.

As a kid I grew up with my dad in and out. I remember as a kid not understanding it. He would see me then I would think I did something wrong to make him mad and not come back. It definitely gave me whiplash. Then when I started dating I picked guys who only chose me when it was convenient for them. After lots of therapy those dots got connected and I finally started to work on processing that.
Those are feelings I’d never wish on any child.

At the end of the day you do what you believe is right with the information you have. But try to consider the long term effects.

Oops… I did it backwards 😂 I voted for which one was worse, not better 🤦🏻‍♀️ I think an absent father would be better of the 2

I think absent especially if the mother is stable/consistent/reliable. The child won’t be exposed to broken promises from their dad or sometimes being shown a lot of love then them disappearing again.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8Sw5Ptv/

I didn’t watch it because it says love is acceptance. Love is ACTIVE. It’s showing up, caring, guiding, protecting, and wanting the best for someone. That’s the kind of love you should model for your kids not just tolerance or acceptance.

Proverbs 4:23 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

This reminds us to be careful about what we (and especially our children) are exposed to. The Bible calls us to love, but love doesn’t mean blindly accepting harmful behavior. You don’t know everybody’s situation either so you’re coming across really, wack, to me and I love the Lord with everything I have and raise my son to know God as well.