What to do about family members that have favorite siblings?

Adding more: For me, I have their grandchild, but my gut instinct is telling me once my sister has a kid with her future husband, they’ll treat HER kid better than my kid.

This is exactly how I’m treated. I’m the scapegoat, my sister is the golden child. And my daughter is treated the same, whilst my sister’s kid is treated as if he is perfect and can do no wrong.

In terms of what to do, it’s up to you and how much it impacts you. For me, these assigned roles have led to some terribly destructive behaviours on my family’s side and a persistent sense of worthlessness on mine. I don’t want my child to experience this, so I don’t have any contact with my family.

I feel so bad because I promised myself I wouldn’t treat her the same way I was treated but I catch myself going back into that bad habit. I hate how I am with her sometimes too. Not to mention why does it have to be MY generation that has to try and break this curse? That seems like a whole weight on my shoulders

I think it’s difficult for outsiders like your husband to understand the impact of these dynamics. So they often encourage you to have a relationship, not realising how damaging it can be.

It’s a huge weight to break generational patterns, but be proud of yourself for recognising it, questioning it and taking steps to counter it. You’ll make mistakes and fall back into those patterns, but don’t beat yourself, just repair each time and be accountable.

I found the minute I stepped away from my family, I felt calm and connected to my daughter. It’s very painful when you’re going about life craving the love you never received, but letting go and accepting my family don’t have the capacity to love or relate like “normal people” freed me from that pain.

I hope you find some peace soon x

I moved 3000km away lol I was the scape goat. The best thing you can do is what’s best for YOU and YOUR child, your partner says otherwise cause he didn’t grow up with it, he hasn’t dealt with it first hand so his opinion is different (how my husband is) Parents yell, it happens but the best thing you’re doing for her is acknowledging that you did it and wanting to change, that’s something our parents never did for us. Don’t sacrifice your time and love for people who wouldn’t do the same for you.

Well, my grandma absolutely had a favorite grandkid, but I probably never would have noticed if my parents didn’t constantly talk about how my grandma had a favorite, so honestly, I’d say nothing. I would have rather not picked up on the fact that my cousin was the favorite, being oblivious as a child would have been way better to me.