Would it upset you if husband had been looking at profiles of other girls he didn’t know on instagram more context in comments? Please comment your advice
So my husband knows I have hang ups around my insecurities with looks. When we met 7 years ago I was considered “attractive” slim, blonde, gym goer. Since having our child I have dramatically changed aged and generally look crap. We’ve had talks about this and he knows it upsets me if he talks about other women he finds attractive. I was scrolling through instagram and it came up that he’d reposted a random girls pic. Not a big influencer/ OF model but just an attractive girl with 500 or so followers. Now I know he didn’t mean to repost it but it just shows me he was looking at other women. I asked him to show me his explore page and it was mostly attractive women again nothing explicit but just so glamorous and far from what I am. I feel so upset but am I over reacting. I never look at other men. I asked him why he was as looking at other women and he said he had no thought process, they just come up on his page. The girl he reposted wouldn’t have come up unless he actively went on her profile. Thanks if you’ve got this far.
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100% yes to this!! Before my husband and I were married he would have practically naked chicks come up on his for you page on TikTok and then he went to follow them on instagram. And they were all skinny girls and obviously I’m not the lightest girl. I got so pissed off because he was practically drooling on his phone looking at them… and then the girls he was following kept asking him if they wanted to hook up and/or subscribe to their OF, let me just say it made me more insecure than I was before. I’ve been looking on his profiles to make sure he’s not following these chicks because it hurts… I asked him why he thinks he needed to look at other chicks and he goes it’s just a habit. Well I haven’t caught him doing it anymore but I still watch his profiles and I also go to him that he doesn’t see me looking at other guys.
His response could have been way more reassuring than just ‘no thought process they came up’ which is bs lol Yes I’d be upset, I’ve been through similar with my partner. He’s responded before along the lines of ‘it’s what guys do’ (another bs response) until I finally told him how it truly felt for me, every nasty thought/feeling I had towards myself when he looked/searched that stuff. It opened his eyes and put it into perspective a bit better how much it was actually hurting me. I’m sorry you’re going through this❤️
I would definitely be upset, however I do understand that algorithmically that stuff is pushed on guys accounts a lot more and a lot harder. But that being said- for him to see small accounts, he has to be looking or at least lingering on similar accounts and I would be more than just upset.
Imma say yes and no. Yes because I would want him to be attracted enough to me and it would hurt if he was seeking out other attractive females. But no it wouldn't bother me at the same time because he's just looking?
I think the real issue is your confidence with yourself. You need to get yourself to a point that you are secure enough with yourself that you don't need your husband's validation on this and it also wouldn't bother you if he looked at someone else because you'd know who you are and what you've got going on for yourself. Tbh, he would likely stop looking at these other women as well. If you made some changes.
And before y'all come at me. In no way am I saying it's her fault that he's looking. Or saying that he's not in the wrong.
Just that she should make these changes for herself. Her husband doing these things is just further validation that she needs to make these changes for herself.
I tried putting my whole reply in one message but it wouldn't let me. So continuing....
Start going back to the gym or do little work outs you can do in your living room even with the kids or go for walks in a local neighborhood or park. That is fairly easy to do with kids.
My point is - get back to being YOU. The woman that you described in the beginning. Blonde, attractive, gym goer. It will build your confidence back and I'm sure your husband will take notice. 💯
And if he doesn't, then he definitely sucks and you deserve better. Even just affirmations to yourself each day saying "I'm beautiful the way I am" and "I'm a baddie no matter what" helps.
My husband would get a slap but that’s just me
It would definitely upset me but itd upset me more if I felt that I "generally look crap".... Id focus on doing things DAILY to get closer to the kinda woman I wanna be. Husband or no husband. Kids or no kids.
He’s admitted he had looked at other women’s profiles over the course of our 7 year relationship when we had discussions about insecurities in the past and when he’s said bs like “I don’t even look at other women”. now this has all come out my coincidence I feel like I’ve been lied to / trust has been betrayed. Is it really that hard just to not look?
I can’t see a way forward with our marriage. would you consider leaving him if it was you ladies?
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