Help, I can’t do this
We have an 8 day old baby boy and I feel like I just can’t do this and am a terrible mom. He’s supposedly a really not that bad baby, but I don’t think we were ready for how bad “not that bad” is.
We aren’t baby people and I can’t say that I can bond because frankly I can’t. We’re excited for when he’s older and all that, but I just find myself so overwhelmed.
He’s also a big baby (4.4kg) and really strong, so I feel like I have to physically fight him to do bottles, diapers, clothes changes, anything. And that only makes me feel worse. I can’t for the life of me get him to burp, but then there’s SO MUCH spit up.
My husband has been fantastic, and is also struggled I’m terrified of when he goes back to work and I’m on my own.
I just don’t know how long I can’t cope
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The early days are the hardest. Your still learning his queues and the cheats on getting him to settle and burp. Its ok to feel overwhelmed. If you are really struggling to connect with baby you can speak to your midwife, GP or HV and they can put a referral in for the perinatal team. I was under their care with my first and found it really helpful
Do you have any family close by that can help? Also worth reaching out to your HV about how you are feeling.
Try not to take on comments like how your baby is ‘not that bad’ that’s a ridiculous thing to say to a new mum. Totally undermines how you are feeling. No baby is bad anyway. Everyone finds different things difficult or easier and every baby is different as well.
You are 8 days into a very challenging time. Every stage of baby/child development is different with its pros and cons depending on who you are and your own personal limits.
Just know that every hard phase does end (a relief and heartbreak at the same time sometimes)
It also takes ages for their digestive system to work, remember this is the first time they are using it. But you could attend some feeding classes to get some tips, they do walk ins local to me for free so there might be something in your area. Deffo speak to HV as there was sources out there to help and your mental health matters so much.
With every sentence I could really relate! Every day is different and I have had better days and then awful days where I feel like I can’t cope! sitting out baby upright when feeding had helped and infacol as she had trapped wind and I think that has helped with burping also. We have tried every position to burp and have found one which seems to work more than others!
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