In-laws smoking around baby
Hi all,
I have an on-going issue with my in-laws smoking in their house, and not seeing the issue I have with my 16 month old being around it. My partner has made it crystal clear from the moment we had our son that we don’t want him exposed to second hand smoke for any amount of time. For a while I thought they understood and I would compromise and still take him as they smoked outside in a gazebo for a while and the air was clean. They have reverted to old habits, smoking in the house again. I didn’t know this until I took my son over and my MIL was smoking in the kitchen with the window barely open. I am an ex smoker, but my eyes were stinging and my son was coughing. I felt so uncomfortable I just wanted to leave. My partner mentioned it and opened all the doors and windows but I just feel they won’t respect my boundaries. My partner was on the same page, but my son has a cough and so today I refused to allow him to go to that environment, to which my partner got defensive and annoyed at me (complete change of tune!). He said there always seems to be an issue with my family and not yours, but I just said that is simply because visiting my family doesn’t put my son’s health at risk… he’s gone there by himself and we’re not talking. It’s just so frustrating that this situation is causing such an issue! Is anyone else in a similar situation or have any advice to deal with this?
Also to add, they’re very argumentative and set in their ways, so I think my partner has a difficult time having a rational conversation on the matter because they just don’t get it!
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
Just don't go, surely your partner can and should understand your hesitation! Get him to speak to them and say they are welcome to come to your house, with absolutely no smoking. But you will not be going to their house if they smoke in front of you. Plus eugh, the thought of having to wash and change everything when you get home just sounds exhausting anyway!
Sorry your going through that it’s so hard when people at difficult and you just wish u wasn’t in the situation. Just know your not over reacting why would u want ur son to be exposed to second hand smoke? By any chance are u able to have them visit you guys instead or meet in public places ?
I don’t think you can expect them not to smoke in their own house. No way to monitor it anyway even if they have agreed.
But you absolutely don’t need to bring your child there!! Sounds horrible. They should come to you or meet somewhere else if they want to see their grandchild.
Not wanting your son exposed to secondhand smoke is a reasonable rule. If they can't respect it, they don't get the time with him. Your husband was on board, so clearly he understands the necessity.
His "there always seems to be a problem with my family" tells me that there might be more he's angry about and that's coming out with this smoking issue. Maybe he feels they're being treated unfairly or he could just be responding to his own frustrations that his family isn't being respectful or accommodating. Maybe he'd feel better if there is something else you can compromise on. The smoking thing should be a non-issue, but maybe you could compromise on another of his concerns that's less of a hard line for you.
Just keep your concerns strictly about the smoking. It's not personal, against his parents. He's being defensive because he feels like it is, so you need to help him understand that it's not. He'll come around.
I’m sorry you are dealing with this. It can be so stressful when in-laws don’t respect boundaries, and this one is extremely important. Just know you are doing the right thing, and hopefully that can help a bit in the face of the resistance I’m sure you’ll continue to face. Sending support ❤️
Download the Peanut App
