Am I the AH? Mother's Day
We're at the playground with our almost 2 year old daughter and my partner casually mentions that his parents will be coming to our house on Sunday to watch the football. I respond saying "oh, on mother's day?" His response "is that a big deal? It's my mums mother's day too?? Why are you freaking out?? My mum said she will play a board game with you while [child] naps"
For context - I couldn't give a damn about football, don't know if it's a big game or whatever, and we are going to brunch mother's day morning - with his entire family. I also loathe boardgames whereas his family think it's a total thrill 🙄 we spent last year's mother's day (my first) driving from England to Belgium with an unwell child.
I tired to calmly explain I wasn't freaking out. Only expressing mild surprise that he would be watching 3 hours of football on mother's day. He got all huffy and puffy, disengaged playing with our child at the park and went and sat on the bench until it was time to go. He's now not speaking to me. My main confusion or annoyance is why he's alleging that I was freaking out? I genuinely didn't express I was annoyed, didn't use an aggressive tone or body language as I know this would trigger an argument.
Anyway, am I the AH for expressing surprise that he plans to watch football with his dad on mother's day? Should I be apologising??
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Na, he's totally the AH.
Is he bothered about father's day? I'd be petty and make plans that go against what he wanted to do on father's day just to get pay back... but that's just me lol
I wouldn’t even spend the day with them. I’d take my baby and go out
Personally I don't think either of you are being AHs. It just sounds like there is a lack of communication on both ends. I.e your expectations of what mother's day in terms of what you believe should happen or not happen and his expectations does not seem to be aligned at the moment which leads to you expressing surprise at what he has planned and him surprised at your reaction. This is easily resolved through purposeful conversations about what you both want and need.
Personally, mother's day to me can be a day of many parts, part of the day coukd be with me baby and hubby, part of tbe day with my mum, hubby baby and extended family eating, spending time together. I wouldn't be upset personally if there was a football match on in the background as this family time was happening. But this is me but you might want and expect something different hence communicating this will help you feel seen and appreciated.
if possible maybe take the baby and go spend the day with your mom. or go out alone for a treat - solo shipping and a massage or something. he sounds very immature and insecure. Don’t over explain or apologize, just keep it cool.
Let him act like a child.
I bet he lashed out because you calmly just pointed out his fault and lack of consideration of you first as a partner. And he’s now mad that you weren’t just sunshine and rainbows about him being self centered
Im with that neither of you are the AH. Ask why this game is important enough to have them come over on a day you thought you’d do (insert preferred activity). Tell him you won’t play games with the MIL and will go take a nap or do something relaxing.
I didn’t mean to vote what I did so I do apologize
Nah. He should discuss it with you not tell you xyz. And if possible would u be willing to celebrate moms day the day before?
he's in a hoof because you called his behaviour out for what it is and he needs to strop to regain control and make you feel guilty ( i'm guessing this is his usual approach when he doesn't get his own way). we dont really celebrate mother/fathers day but even so my partner knows i would loose my shit if he decided to sit and watch three hours of football on a sunday 🤣🤣especially if he expects to be undisturbed.
Sounds like bad communication on his side. He's not tolerating the disappointment and disengaging. It's possible he needs to process his defensiveness before he communicates
Hes annoyed because he knows he's the AH
I didn't vote either and I'll tell you why. Not having a go, just my experience
My husband also watched football yesterday and I didn't mind because I know the game means alot to him. He did surprise me in the morning with a beautiful bunch of flowers and jewelery. Also helped our son write my card and made me a nice coffee in bed.
We went to the park and the range as we needed something for the house. That was our mother's day. I don't mind because he had already put the effort in.
Your post didn't specify if he got you anything on behalf of your child so I don't know if he did. If my husband hadn't have done the surprise in the morning I would be pissed at the football. Also it's time for you to spend with his mum. Which I think is nice imo.
I've worked almost every mother's day in the past so I guess I'm used to it just being a nice surprise then crack on with the day/work.
I'd look at how you can communicate better and set ground rules going forward. Neither of us invite others to our house or make plans for both of us without checking with the other person first. This works really well for us and it's easy to say "let me check with my husband when he gets home from work" when people start trying to make plans.
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