We brought my parents in law to the US to live with us
My husband and I filed for my parents in law to live with us 1 and half year ago. My husband grew up poor but eventually made it out of Nigeria for school. I grew up in NYC, left Nigeria when I was 11, I'm now in my early 40s. My husband is exposed and mostly forward thinking. His parents are not. I am having a lot of mini clashes with his mother. We are very different obviously, and she's not mean or anything, but more passive-aggressive. Like if something bothers her, she wouldn't say it, but expresses it in her face. She's helpful with our children, but I feel a slight resentment from her. I asked my husband if we should give her stipends (pay her) for watching the kids while I work, he said no, that we provide all she needs. (I work from home, she watches our youngest, and pick up the older ones from school not too far from our house). But so far I feel a slight tension, and it's not easy living with another woman in the same house, even though I appreciate all her help, it just feel like it comes at a cost.
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Hey mama 🤍 you’re doing an amazing job, honestly. Balancing work, kids, and living with in-laws is not easy at all.
From what you shared, it might just be a mix of unspoken expectations, her adjusting to a new role (from her own home to yours), and you carrying a lot emotionally too.
Instead of paying her, you could try building a closer relationship with her. Spend small intentional time together—take walks, go out for a quick shop, gist and get to know her. That connection can really ease the tension.
You can still appreciate her with thoughtful things—gifts, taking her out, doing her hair—just things that feel personal.
Sometimes it’s less about the help and more about helping each other feel seen. You’ve got this 🤍
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