My husband and I keep arguing about our newborns milk intake and possible reflux/tummy issues
We keep having the same argument! I'm tired of it, and he keeps making me feel bad.
I need opinions and experience from other mums. (I do also have the Health Visitor coming out on Tuesday)
Our baby is 3 weeks old and formula fed. She is currently having 4oz bottles made up but I am convinced she doesn't need that much milk in a single feed.
She will however finish the 4oz bottle. My husband assumes she's finishing the bottle because she hungry for it and wants to give her 5oz now.
However from my perspective ( the one who does most of her feeds), she will finish a 4oz bottle but is screaming her head off afterwards, scrunching her little body up so tight and is clearly very uncomfortable and in pain. (Even after burping) So this tells me she's either had too much milk and is having silent reflux (I can hear her bringing it up and swallowing it back down), she's in discomfort because she's just so small to be digesting the milk and needs smaller feeds, or it's extra wind I haven't been able to get up. Maybe its a combination.
So my solution is to give her less milk (maybe 2-3oz), wind her a few times throughout the feed, and then keep her upright. She may just want fed more often but that's okay, as long as she's not in major discomfort afterwards.
My husband thinks this is silly, that I'm starving her by giving her less milk and that I'm causing her too much distress by stopping to burp her multiple times. He thinks she's just hungry and there's no other issues. But he only does maybe 1 or 2 feeds a day, and usually he just puts her down after and I'm the one who deals with her 10 minutes later when she's crying. He doesn't put two and two together that the reason she's crying is probably the feed? Whether that be because it was fast, too much, reflux or wind.
She's fast asleep on my chest right now after I just fed her. She drank 3oz and I stopped to burp her 4 times, she burped twice and then again at the end and then fell asleep with absolutely no crying whatsoever. She did have a few little refluxy-sounds, like she was going to be sick but swallowed it, but she didn't seem bothered or in pain by it. So I feel like my method has worked better? And stuffing more milk down her throat isn't the right answer. I also understand that he thinks that because she will drink it if its offered, but I've tried to explain that she's likely drinking it because its comforting and soothing in the moment, not because she's hungry.
I always respond to her cues, and will never not offer milk! It makes me so sad that he thinks I'm trying to starve her.
For extra context, she is a big baby, so that's another reason my husband thinks she needs more milk. She was 9lb 4oz when she was born. She was weighed a few day ago and was 9lb 9oz. She is very tall though, not very chunky yet.
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
My girl was a spit up a baby too, so we picked up drops to help her with gas and we would burp her often.
My goal was always to have enough in the bottle that she would have to leave some of it because she wouldn’t feel hungry, but I also experienced it where she was willing to eat too much and then felt awful. I say keep it at 4 ounces for another week and then up it to 4 1/2 ounces. There’s a chance that she might leave that half ounce in the bottle.
Each baby is different. I’ve heard of babies at three weeks eating 5 ounces. My baby at three weeks was happy with 2 ounces only.
Both of you keep in mind that your baby will tell you if she isn’t getting enough because her feeds will start getting closer together and she will be overall cranky all the time. When my baby was a couple days old, I realized I wasn’t putting enough in the bottle because she was never comfortable and always grumbling even when she was sleeping.
We thought she was getting a lot of trapped wind when my little girl was getting so unsettled after a bottle as my partners nan said she needs an extra ounce but she left that extra ounce everytime and when she did end up having it she got so upset and we started doing a lot more burping (she would gulp the bottle like you’d think I wasn’t feeding her lol) and we added infacol before she had her bottle to her routine and since then she’s been so peaceful and content and now she’s 6 months and having 9oz bottles with food in between, she’s dropped her bottles a little bit but I still offer everytime she gets really fussy in case she needs a drink or some liquids as before we started her she wouldn’t keep all of her milk down but when she started solids she never brought her milk back up anymore even while having the same amount of bottles
You are 100% right, and your husband should be supporting you on this. Feeding smaller feeds but more often is exactly what you should be doing.
You're doing an amazing job, also burping during feeds is what you should be doing, 4oz in one feed for a 3 week old baby is alot and she's showing signs of discomfort so you're doing the right thing.
Stick to what you're doing smaller feeds every couple of hours, and hopefully, it makes a difference. Their tiny bodies and their digestive systems are getting used to that milk for the first 8 weeks of my second babies' life, was really tough because he would do the same as what you're describing and he would cry in pain for hours on end and eventually it did get better. Hang on in there. You're doing great. It may just be a mixture of too much milk in one sitting and also their digestive system just getting used to that milk they've been feeding off you for 9 months, sometimes it can just take time but it will pass, you've just got to be supportive of each other
Show your husband these comments, and maybe it will make him stop and think and support you instead of making you feel like crap when you've just had a baby
Download the Peanut App
