Newly single mom advice?
Looks like my bf of 3 years and I are deciding to split for the sake of our daughter and our mental health. He just have the one 23mo and I’m really only seeking advise concerning her, coparenting and/or useful resources for single moms; not so much court advice or things pertaining.
A little bit of context to our relationship: I found out I was pregnant around 9 months after meeting and falling in love with him. We were an official couple by then so I had no doubt that she was his. We shuffled through all the options since we had only been together for 9 months but we ultimately decided to raise her together since we knew our love was strong at the time (it’s weakened quite a bit over the past 3 years). We had a rocky start, especially due to my ppd, but we made it through the first 11 months of being parents. After a 4th of July incident last year, I decided it would be in the best interest of our daughter that she and I live with my parents while we both work on ourselves. This lasted for two months but I had intended for it to last forever. My parents house was not the most ideal place to live. It was safe and we had plenty of resources there but my mental health was lacking living with my mother, whom I have had no contact with since moving back out of their house (best decision ever). On top of that my bd was trying to make visitation and custody agreements impossible so he was only able to ft most of the two months. The more time he had to spare, the more we visited him. We slowly started to fall back for each other but tbh I mostly felt it was easier to stay with him than to fight him. Fast forward to today; we’re renting a bigger home but had been planning to become home owners despite lacking in finances. To make a long ducking story short; I shoved a wait no sorry;;; I just don’t feel loved by him anymore. There is no reciprocation. I give so much to him and don’t get 💩 in return. Im not going to let this get in the way of his and our daughters relationship tho so we’d both like to stay civil. I’d also like to try to stay out of custody court and just give him 50% (I still have 100% since we aren’t married). Finding a lawyer is also a problem within itself. I will, however, be filing for child support as he was very spotty about giving me money to support our daughter while we were and weren’t together. Im a sahm atm but she is all set for head start in August so I’ll be able to find a job and support us soon. A friend of mine told me that she had divorced parents at 3 years old and she said that my bd and I should try to keep our daughter’s bedrooms looking as alike as possible. Like buy two of the same curtains, bed sheets, decorations, etc. for her room at moms and her room at dads so she can have as much consistency as possible. I thought that was smart so I thought I’d share. Thanks for making to the end mamas! God bless 💜
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My husband and I recently separated, and I’m getting ready to move into my own apartment. Right now, I’m taking everything one day at a time.
One of the first things we did was create a parenting agreement for our daughter, who will be two soon. Even after almost 10 years together, my biggest concern wasn’t us, it was making sure she would be okay. I knew I didn’t want her growing up thinking the kind of relationship we had become was normal or something she should accept for herself one day.
I made it clear that I didn’t want to focus on dating, relationships, or what went wrong. I wanted to focus on what was best for her. My advice is to write everything down, agree on as much as possible while emotions are calm, and stick to it. Having those expectations in writing can save a lot of stress later.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s such a difficult thing to navigate, but you’re not alone.
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