Wwyd? Sorry its a long one and i had to repost it :(
Okay genuinely need some help here...For context, my husband grew up in a really bad home. His exs family (basically adopted him when he was kicked out as a teen. He was in their family and apart of their family for a long time. He obviously stopped talking to them out of respect for our relationship. But now its been 5 years, we have 2 kids and his adopted family reached out to me, specifically his "mom". Ive been all for it and supportive I have no issues with this. Weve all gotten together (minus ex, Ill call them G) a few times now. G has never been and still isn't a nice person. We all went to hs together and had some of the same friends. G has cheated on multiple people, and is overall just a bitch if I'm honest. Also unrelated they are trans also dating a trans person. I promise this is relevant and not transphobic.
Since getting together with his family it has been amazing for all of us. Like I said my husband grew up in a bad home so it's so good to see him surrounded by family that truley loves him and knows him. All of the teary eyed hugs when we first came over was so telling on how much of an impact they all made in each others lives. My side of the family doesnt have any kids yet and his family does so my kids have finally had some real connection with other kids. It has been so amazing seeing my girl open up and be so kind. Shes always been shy and she's finally being more outgoing and I truly believe this is helping. And even for me, I started talking to one of the other moms and even though its only been a few times I think we have a connection. I don't have any friends after having kids and the thought of giving up the only friend I've had in a long time sucks...
Anyways, my whole issue and the reason I'm making this post is because 1 person in the family talks about his ex, G, badly, but more specifically she sneaks in these transphobic remarks. It gets worse when she drinks. I don't know if the rest of the family holds her beliefs or not, I know for a fact there are other lgbtq+ people in the family. Please do not misunderstand I am 110% for trans rights, I'm very liberal. Yes G is an asshole but I do not agree with being transphobic because of it. You can dislike someone and still treat them like a human being.
I just don't want to end a really good thing for my family because of 1 person... Am I a bad person if we still continue seeing his family but just setting boundaries with them and making sure I continue to instil kindness and acceptance into my children?
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
I think one person having distasteful comments about another person who isn't around isn't enough to cut ties with everyone. They are being a jerk, and, you should set boundaries. You said you guys don't have any contact with the ex so why are they even coming up often enough to discuss. I would talk to this person and just set a rule that you don't want to talk about the ex, you have no contact with them, and have nothing to say. If they continue, just walk away whenever they do talk about them. This person will learn they ruin the engagement and the vibes when they bring the ex up, and will eventually stop.
I would set boundaries with that person, in fact, I would just tell everyone else you love them, but you cannot tolerate the hatred therefore they’re more than welcome to go over or hangout as long as that hateful person isn’t there. You don’t want your kids learning those things. I don’t think you’re being transphobic, I think it’s a personality issue which is understandable. Your feelings are valid and what you expose your kids to is your choice as well. I’m sure people with good intentions will understand your boundaries and if they don’t, then do you really want to be around them? Talk to your husband about this and just be honest about your feelings. You guys are a team. Don’t shut him out. And yes, they’re his family and they’re important, but you’re his family too
Download the Peanut App
