Grief - Co sleeping is dangerous

I have lost my baby girl and I feel numb. I don't know what to do at this point, and I feel terrible about everything. Even the cops and cps said it wasn't my fault, it was a mistake many made. And I don't know how to take that. I think most things have a reason, and I struggle to find one for now. I have gone back to ciggerates. Nothing will wash away this pain.

I almost went in the surgery room. And now i wonder if it would have been better to have a still birth.

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