Can you accept the fact that someone you love is someone else's worst nightmare piece of shit?

I love that my youngest sister got to have a great dad out of my father but it won't alter that to me he isn't a great one. I love that this man donated to charity and seems to have a loving family and people like him. I don't like him and I won't like him. I accept the good that the people who hurt me are capable of. I find that sometimes we discuss on here a man being a terrible person before you met him and you won't accept that it could be true. Because that's not your experience. His ex has to be lying that he hit her because he's wonderful and gentle to you. There is no way he could have knowingly and willfully committed crimes or been harmful because that's not the version you got. That's wrong though. Good and bad exists in everyone. Some people are incapable of making up for their bad with the people they did it to and some are.

I meant for the first option to be I can accept it 🫠 I don't wanna rewrite so just comment or hit comment as that option.

Yes, but it is so complicated. I've talked about my ex/my daughter's dad and our history with DV. It's so layered for me because prior to his death, we were in such a great place. And it took us 2 full good years to get there after the drama that unfolded from our relationship. I've gone from having to accept he was a terrible partner because of some of his actions, while my daughter thinks he is the greatest person in her world, to forgiving this man who I share such a big part of me (my child) with.

I get a lot of grief for grieving a man who once put me through so much trauma. And maybe things would be different if he died before we were able to rectify our relationship 🤷🏾‍♀️ but I've accepted feelings are complex and we as people are too.

I’ve had to learn to accept this. My adopter disowned me when she had a biological child. She was a terrible mom to me. But she was a great mom to my brother and I’m glad he had that. Even if I didn’t. My brother in turn can not accept this reality.

Disclaimer: I am definitely not saying that if you find out or are told that someone you love did something terrible to someone else that you should just ignore that. I would not. If my dad had been awesome to me and shit to my sister I would like to believe I would hold him accountable. In fact I threatened him when she was a baby and made him promise that she would at least get 18 good years out of him.

The woman who married my assaulter was made aware before she married him. By me. Would I marry someone who did that because to me they are great? No but a lot more people do than I think would care to admit.

I can accept this to a point. Like narcissist and psychopaths can lie very well. My ex step dad terrorised us for years, after my mum left him, he went through two more women, who I have since spoken to and also have a similar story as my mums. He is now with someone new, and they "seem" happy (even had a kid). He is not a good man no matter what anyone say.

I had a really close friend who had a GREAT relationship with her grandpa, “sweetest old man ever” and she spent significant time with him and then in her 20s it came out that he S/Ad her cousin, his other granddaughter.. she couldn’t accept it at all. It kinda made me side eye her a little I’m ngl😭 but I can’t possibly imagine being faced with something like that

I think this applies to lots of things. And hurts my brain because my black and white thinking lol. My dad was very abusive to my mom. And probably emotionally abusive to us. But he was also really good to us in some ways. And he loves us and played with us a lot as kids.

I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy trying to understand how these two things can both be true. If any friend or acquaintance called him and asked for help in any capacity, he would come and help. No questions asked. And yet my childhood still happened. Idk man.

The woman who SA me and others as children had lots of visitors in the hospital, lots of people at the funeral. Everyone had nice things to say and stories about how kind and generous she was, I even received a sympathy card about she was a good person and they're sorry for my loss. I don't correct them (because they'd honestly get defensive) but I don't accept it either, I let them have their good memories but I know the truth of who she was as a person and view the good parts as somewhat of a cover-up or making up for everything she'd done and not genuine. Complex but still a piece of shit no matter how many good deeds she performed or good memories she created for other people IMO. I know that's probably not a very "healed" mindset but she was a pedophile and it's hard to see anything beyond that.

"accept"? No. It's insane to me that the other person has the capacity to feel the way they do about the person I love. "Live with?" I have no other choice. I don't think I can "accept" it unless that person changes, but I'm not expecting that to happen.

I know is different,but i have a older sister who. Is narcissist and sadly she bullied me to the point where i knew we will never get along, sadly my younger siblings keep telling me give her chance and make excuses for her behavior. Also she didn't really bully them, i was the main target.am also a SA victim and luckily it didn't happened to her,but i was told that because of the pain I went through I grew up knowing more bad then good, while she lived in a world where life is perfect and it has to be her way. We don't talk anymore and I get annoyed when I hear my siblings stress about her. I tell them cut her off ur mind will feel more at peace,but they keep saying I want my big sister. I accept that I don't have a big sister. I care for her,but that doesn't mean I have to accept being a part of it. Maybe if they knew the pain of her bullying would they understand is not worth having. She surprisingly is a good mom,but i already saw cracks in her mother behavior. And everyone wants to make excuses for it

It’s not up to me to decide how people get their karma. There is a higher power and NO ONE goes unscathed.. it might not be today or tomorrow but one day they will get their taste of medicine in some form.. it never fails

Funnily enough I was watching a crime documentary yesterday and it was about a woman who was brutally SA’d and murdered and her body mutilated into pieces thrown into the sea. The man who did it was well loved by his peers. The start of the documentary a group of them are adamant he is innocent, police must be mistaken etc. Even as the doc goes on, they are all still stanning for him. There is one woman who it becomes clear that she was probably his intended target and even she is heavily in denial singing his praises right until the very end.

At the end of the doc, his friends even start their words with great empathy for this guy, even after being convicted in court and all gory details revealed. They can’t fathom how their best bud was a sick fuck and tally in their minds how he could be such a good friend, yet in private, he was secretly an evil psycho.

Sorry for going off tangent lol, I agree humans are complex.