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October 2026 Babies 🇬🇧

Awful experience with health visitor

Im 31 weeks and 5 days pregnant and the health visitor came out today and it was absolutely awful! She judged me for not wanting to exclusively breastfeed as im single and will be continuing to attend university so my family are helping me. She hounded me about my mental health as ive suffered 2 losses this year (my grandad who i lived with for 20 years and my family dog of 12 years both passed suddenly within 3 months of eachother) and i left my partner 10 weeks ago as i wanted to prioritise the baby over our relationship issues and we've been getting on alot better since taking a step back from the relationship (we aren't seeing other people or anything and we still have feelings for eachother its a complicated situation but this is working for us and I believe our daughter will benefit as well). She turned around and said that she'd be looking at where the baby would be sleeping but the way she said it came across as really entitled, I have nothing to hide but I live with family on a 4 acre property (my own home is currently being built on the land) so its not my house and we really value privacy. She cut me off multiple times when I was addressing what she was saying to me to move onto the next topic, she tried to write down that my dad had died instead of my grandad which shows just how much she was listening to me. She insinuated I might hurt my baby and told me not to shake her because im at a higher risk of postpartum depression which is exactly why ive done everything I can to make sure that im surrounded by people to support me and have gone to the appropriate services for additional help as i have gone through alot this year and even if I wasn't pregnant it would still be alot for anyone. She also said that if I stopped using the services available to me then she might make a referral to social services and started talking about where my baby would go next? I thought the health visitor was an optional service? To be clear as im aware at how concerning some of this sounds. I am a 20 year old university student who plans to continue studying as i only have one year left and my university is happy to accommodate me. I drive and have a clean licence and will not struggle getting my daughter anywhere. I work as a care assistant and have been awarded 12 months of maternity leave and ill be able to return to that position once my leave ends and ill have finished university. I have no criminal record, I havent been in any trouble at all. I am financially stable but I live at home on a property that has been in our family for 4 generations and we have a family business which we all contribute towards. Once again, im having my own place built. I dont smoke or vape and have never touched a substance. Yeah im single but me and the babys dad have an agreement for his contribution and even if he were to back out im more than capable of picking up his slack. Ive had a history of anxiety and depression since I was 13/14 and I have sought out help consistently, ive always finished the treatment and then referred myself back when I feel my mental health slipping and its not something im ashamed of, im just naturally more prone to depression but I do not suffer in silence and reject outside help. I look after myself I just need help sometimes. But today I was made to feel small and incompetent and like I was already failing as a mother by a woman who wouldnt even listen long enough to let me finish my sentence!