Please don’t judge me I regret a lot of my actions, so I have been looking to get married since age 20 I’m. Now in my 30s I did something really bad in my early thirties which ended up having a child out of wedlock father of my baby don’t care I even tried to get him to be part of my child’s life and he didn’t want it I even proposed hoping to turn things halal as I thought he cared but turned out he was only using me. I have now come to terms with it please make dua for me as I don’t know if I will ever be forgiven by Allah, my question now is I have a very high s** drive and sometimes my desires become very intense and showering and praying and going for walks doesn’t help can I use toys to release that tension to avoid falling into zina as I’m dead set on never ever repeating the same mistakes but I know now marriage is impossible for me no way anyone would marry a woman with a child and that has never been married I’m too ashamed to even search cuz as soon as I mentioned it automatically they judged me and start thinking that because I done it in the past I will allowed again and it makes me feel sick to my core that cuz of my past and being a born Muslim most just see be as a used object that they would just use and throw away so I don’t bother to look for marriage as I know it’s no longer possible for me but I really want to avoid zina so I wanted to know if it is permissible to use or to masturbate
.png?_wwcv=1371)
