Sensitive topic
Please don’t judge me I regret a lot of my actions, so I have been looking to get married since age 20 I’m. Now in my 30s I did something really bad in my early thirties which ended up having a child out of wedlock father of my baby don’t care I even tried to get him to be part of my child’s life and he didn’t want it I even proposed hoping to turn things halal as I thought he cared but turned out he was only using me. I have now come to terms with it please make dua for me as I don’t know if I will ever be forgiven by Allah, my question now is I have a very high s** drive and sometimes my desires become very intense and showering and praying and going for walks doesn’t help can I use toys to release that tension to avoid falling into zina as I’m dead set on never ever repeating the same mistakes but I know now marriage is impossible for me no way anyone would marry a woman with a child and that has never been married I’m too ashamed to even search cuz as soon as I mentioned it automatically they judged me and start thinking that because I done it in the past I will allowed again and it makes me feel sick to my core that cuz of my past and being a born Muslim most just see be as a used object that they would just use and throw away so I don’t bother to look for marriage as I know it’s no longer possible for me but I really want to avoid zina so I wanted to know if it is permissible to use or to masturbate
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I don’t know about the permissibility and all of that but don’t loose hope if marriage is what you want you made a mistake and Allah forgive all sins the right mature man who is right for you would accept every part of you , don’t look down on yourself we are all sinners pray about it and don’t give up don’t be desperate either but know Allah is capable of all things I do know fasting helps in decreasing desire as well
Fasting is typically prescribed to someone who has strong sexual desires and isn’t married, I think there is a difference of opinion when it comes to masturbation so it’s good to research that on reliable scholarly sites or ask an imam. Also don’t rule out getting married again you don’t know what Allah has written for you and your past doesn’t need to be shared with anyone new it’s between you and Allah
Allah is how you see Him. If you believe He will forgive you, and you ask Him for forgiveness, sincerely, He will forgive you, InshaAllah 🩷
Do not lose hope, for the sake of your child. Be strong for him/her.
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