venting mommas

Moved out of my BD in march, been staying with mom n sister since then. It's myself and my 3 kids. Sister works from home, mom works 2 days out the week from home too. I work nights. We sleep in the living on an air mattress. I know it's cramped. I know my kids are a lot. Just got told my kids can't stay here for the summer. I know I'm a burden on my family. I try n stay out. So my kids don't get on their nerves and give my mom n sis their space but still I feel it. I feel that my kids and I aren't wanted here. And to top it off when they said my kids couldn't stay here they said it front of my kids. The kids don't understand that my mom and sister aren't used to having kids around and wanting their attention. Its so heartbreaking to see my kids want to have conversations with them and show them things they learned and them not wanting to hear them bc they're too much. Ive been looking for an apartment for us but it's been so hard. With the majority of the places wanting you to make 3x the rent which I don't and the ones that don't are in sketchy neighborhoods. I feel so alone have no one to talk to.

I'm gonna kick this group off with something that I just came to the realization of today. I love my son to death. Like I'd take a bullet for this precious little person. But I don't quite love this new mom role yet. My son is my first (and honestly, only) and I'm finding adjusting to mom life to be quite hard. I'm exhausted, my head hurts, I can barely sit as he prefers to be rocked while I stand, etc etc. And I know what I'm feeling isn't original, but I also don't always feel like pushing through the pain. I just want someone else to hold him so I can go take a bath for an hour and just feel like ME again. I'm sure it'll be different as he grows (he's currently 6.5 wks), but for now I'm just completely burnt out and straight up not having a good time. End of rant 😅