Anxiety won't rule me

I can't go out of my house for very long time at all.... Not without my anxiety going sky high and causing myself to have a panic attack...😭. I hate this!!!!

Woah it hit hard this morning. It hit real real hard. I just need someone who could remind me I was a person before I was mom. I matter too. I need a break too. When you're a mom with no breaks its hard but it's just as bad when you're a married mom with no breaks 2 kids 7 years in. How am just meant to stay sane when the most titulating conversation I have a day is about a piggy. How am I to stay sane when I'm a 27 y.o mom who moved more than 1,000 for her family & lost all her so called friends in the move. When I'm put down at every turn for just being who I am. Or told I don't do enough. Having all these expectations of you & not all of them being realistic but still trying. I just need someone in my corner every once in a while instead of someone who always gaslights me or someone who always turns everything into an argument & then about themselves. It's so hard when you suffer mental illnesses & everyone around takes you like a joke & the media isn't any better at portraying these mental illnesses in any good light. Just listen, don't judge & be kind.

I have 2 baby boys that are 1 and almost 2. They are 10 months apart. My boyfriend/their father and I live together and we both work but he works full time and I only work part time. So that way I can be with them most of the time. So he ends up really paying for just about everything. He has never tried to hold the fact that he is the bread winner over my head. He is happy to provide for me and his babies. But I will admit that after my first son came, I neglected him sexually. Not on purpose but there are alot of reasons on top of being an exhausted mother. So we were only intimate a handful of times between the first and second baby. Then after the second baby came I was even more tired and irritable and just wanted to be left alone after a long day with the babies. I admit fault that I did neglect him. So anyway, he cheated on me a few months ago when I took the kids to my moms. I found evidence in our car and called him out. He admitted, apologized, said he would never do it again. Currently our sex life is going very well. We are intimate almost every night. I missed him but half of me is doing it because I dont want him to cheat again. I am not only staying because he provides our home and lifestyle for us. But also I dont want to rip apart our family, I dont want to take them from their home. I have to option to go stay with my mother if I have to. But I would feel like such a failure. Im just looking for advice. Things are actually really good between us right now. But I can't help feeling like if he did that to me once, that I can't trust him and he will do it again. I do love him and I know he loves me too. And I do feel like he cheated because I neglected him for almost a year. But at the same time I also wasn't having any sex for that period and I got along just fine. I dont know. My brain is fried from overthinking. I just feel like I let him off too easy and he will take that as permission to do whatever he wants now.

My iud fell out a month ago & I've never felt better. While having it I suffered from horrible anxiety & at least 3 anxiety attacks a week. It was exhausting! It effected a lot in my life especially being a parent. It made me depressed because I just wanted to be better & couldn't control it. The whole time I'm thinking its just the effects of giving birth but It wasn't. I prayed & prayed that I was to get better... I am sexually active so I do need to put on birth control soon. I really don't want to go back to how I used to be im so much happier, im such a better parent now & thats all I wanted to be 😩 While I was on my birth control I couldn't have the help I needed due to the pandemic, which made it harder. My bf doesn't like condoms he says he's "allergic". I feel like when I try to talk about it its like "well I want to have sex so you have to be put on it" I do want to have sex & I don't want to be pregnant right now but don't want to go back to how I was before. Any advice 😩?

I am not looking forward to the shorter days of winter. To be honest I am 100% dreading it and it feels 1000x worse than ever with all of the heightened anxieties as it is in the world today. How am I going to cope?