in

Anxiety won't rule me

He cheated.

I have 2 baby boys that are 1 and almost 2. They are 10 months apart. My boyfriend/their father and I live together and we both work but he works full time and I only work part time. So that way I can be with them most of the time. So he ends up really paying for just about everything. He has never tried to hold the fact that he is the bread winner over my head. He is happy to provide for me and his babies. But I will admit that after my first son came, I neglected him sexually. Not on purpose but there are alot of reasons on top of being an exhausted mother. So we were only intimate a handful of times between the first and second baby. Then after the second baby came I was even more tired and irritable and just wanted to be left alone after a long day with the babies. I admit fault that I did neglect him. So anyway, he cheated on me a few months ago when I took the kids to my moms. I found evidence in our car and called him out. He admitted, apologized, said he would never do it again. Currently our sex life is going very well. We are intimate almost every night. I missed him but half of me is doing it because I dont want him to cheat again. I am not only staying because he provides our home and lifestyle for us. But also I dont want to rip apart our family, I dont want to take them from their home. I have to option to go stay with my mother if I have to. But I would feel like such a failure. Im just looking for advice. Things are actually really good between us right now. But I can't help feeling like if he did that to me once, that I can't trust him and he will do it again. I do love him and I know he loves me too. And I do feel like he cheated because I neglected him for almost a year. But at the same time I also wasn't having any sex for that period and I got along just fine. I dont know. My brain is fried from overthinking. I just feel like I let him off too easy and he will take that as permission to do whatever he wants now.