Dr. Rachel’s Community for Mental Health and Wellness Support

How long is too long for marriage counseling? I have been married 10yrs and 9/10 of it , we have been seeing a marriage counselor. Apparently, I have some sort of fairytale in my head of what a marriage is supposed to be.

So long story very very very short—-so I am the main parent in the household always have been for both boys (1 + 3). My partner is a director of his own company ( recently started another one different industry) no work life balance and no support and if you broach the topic it’s guns blazing, no one knows his job etc. now don’t get me wrong supporting family to pay bills etc it’s an important role but I work too and it’s his decision that he doesn’t want me to contribute (but yet he throws it in my face in arguments). Anyway my biggest p is the ‘hiding away’- he’s always got something to do or needs a few minutes (turns to hours) he might as well live in his office or home office-and on some occasions he’s caught sitting on his phone when he’s meant to be working but mention this and he will just throw it in your face that I was getting stressed at the kids (come and help instead of listening and then criticise). Recently he’s come out with he is stressed and suffering anxiety (this is why he doesn’t go out with us as a family anywhere). Now I’m not an expert and don’t understand anxiety but surely you going to work l, shopping when it suits you, shows that your lying or just trying to get out of being a parent. I do occasionally make odd comment about why there’s no effort but have learnt my lesson to avoid slagging matches, in addition to no longer caring ( I’m making memories). I’m just wondering how do I act/what am I suppose to do -he’s an Argumentive person so won’t always take things how they should (misinterprets, hears what he wants to hear etc). He’s also the type that will not try and help himself -he’s also quite a hyper cobdriact with things. Forgot to say- I absolutely love being a parent but sometimes I think this love is just taken advantage of and not in a good way

I have posted this elsewhere, sorry if you have already seen this🫠

I’m just wondering if any of you lovely people have experienced anything like this?

So I was a victim of DV over many years. Ranging from physical violence, SA, financial abuse and emotional abuse. I’m now in a relationship with the most amazing man, father to my children. It feels like we’ve always been together and like my past relationship wasn’t real. Am I crazy or is this my brain working in a mysterious way to protect me?

Thank you to everybody who joined for today’s pod. To recap we discussed the following:

• many people feel alone but nobody needs to be alone -many people are struggling -have a coping toolbox full of tools that YOU will use -your coping tools may not always work which is why I recomend you have at least 3 tools, and to even reassess those tools at different times -nobody is a mind reader - you need to ask / tell people what you need (for instance tell your friends that you don’t want advice and that you just need somebody to listen) -help is available and seek professional help if you are questioning if you should OR if your symptoms are getting in the way of your daily functioning

5 weeks and im always sad and crying.. why??