A Place To Vent-NO JUDGEMENT

I'm 35 and was having a lot of fun acting like a teenager before I found out I'm expecting. I've gone from being wild and spontaneous and indulging in absolutely anything and everything I want, to eating brown rice and vegetables because nothing else is safe for the baby 😂 slight exaggeration but does anyone else know the feeling? I can't drink my favourite coffee, or eat fish when that's what I crave. Everything feels so restricted and I can't destress with a glass of wine or a beer. Just fruit and veg and water. And I feel like if I enjoy that too much the health police will make my choices even less! 🙄 I'm not even at the end of my 1st trimester, I feel guilty for already being fed up and missing my selfish time!

Told the MIL if they wanted to come to my daughters birthday they needed to be less openly judgey about people's shoes & clothes & that didn't go over well with my daughters dad or his mom. They're so old school they're not used to anyone setting boundries. My mil asked if I had talked to my daughters dad about it & Im thinking, why would I do that? Why do my opinion or boundries need to be agreed with by their son to make them valid? So frustrating. I'm always so nice about them taking my daughter whenever to do whatever, they come over all the time & she'll just take over my kitchen. Twice this week she's said these rude assive aggressive things to me which I didn't even respond to because I didn't want to be rude back to her but of course, Im the one that's the problem when I present what kind of behavior I expect them to have at my daughters birthday to ensure all my guests feel comfortable. Ugh. So frustrating.

Alright so, I know I have to stop comparing myself and my baby to other but it’s so damn hard! I always thought I would be a good mom but the more I talk to other ppl or the other moms in my antenatal group the more I feel inadequate and just broke AF. I see them getting outta the house everyday and doing swim classes and buying this thing or that and all I can think of is “is my baby behind because I’m not doing enough. Will she be at a disadvantage because I can’t afford all this stuff and activities?” It makes me feel like a bad mom. Like already she doesn’t stand a chance of competing against these others as she grows. She’s 5 months this week (3weeks early tho) and she doesn’t roll over, thought she has been working on it for months. She doesn’t do proper giggles but more of an excited tongue out screech. (Real ones sneak out sometimes tho). I’m afraid she’s behind or will be because I can’t afford all the toys and stuff that everyone else seems to have. They have sit me up doughnuts and jumperoos, and toys I’ve never seen. Fancy bath stuff, baby monitors, sensory tents… and I’m over here with finger puppets, board books, I giant bath sponge, and a dumb amount of muslins to play peek a boo. She practices sitting by being in between my legs. She plays in her gym with same hanging toys she has had for ever. We rarely go out cuz what are we going to do and I don’t drive so rain is often an issue. Most of our toys are used and I am just feeling like shit. Pic so we don’t get lost.

I’m so over housing right now!!! Why do we have to be stuck with someone we can’t stand to look at just because we can’t find a place to live???? I’m still looking but I have a contract with work and four months left!!!! I’m stuck with him for 4+ months!😭😭 I’d have left but the kids. I mean where would I go with them??? My moms sisters and brother suck. My mom would help but she can’t with my woman child sister and autistic brother. So STUCK!

I love my SO but he gets under my skin so fricken bad. I get a game plan together in my head for what I’m gonna do with the baby because he is about to leave and go run an errand. I fed the baby. Baby wants out of high chair so I put him down on the play mat. My SO is following me around like “he’s pretty tired I don’t think he is gonna wanna do that.” He got a blanket ready for me to swaddle him because he thinks I don’t know my own baby’s cues I guess. Our high chair is new and I haven’t folded it up yet. He literally stood like a foot away and watched me struggle to put it away. Sometimes I wish he would just go away. He constantly makes me feel like I don’t know shit.