Menopause and sex drive

Hi! I feel ya, it’s super difficult to keep the marriage going with low libido! I’m here to chat!

Lots of women I know 50 and up have no sex drive and their husbands accept that. Still intimate holding hands etc. but no sex.

thanks. We had a huge fight today where he just kept putting words in my mouth telling me I hate sex and that I’ve been “depriving” him. Our relationship is good 90% of the time but I think sex is becoming a deal breaker for him

I wish he would accept it and be ok with all the other forms of intimacy but he hasn’t up until now and I don’t think he will. He called me “abnormal” today….

Awww. So sorry you are going through that.

I’m so sorry to hear that! It’s absolutely something we cannot control, I’ve tried many things to fix it. It requires a ton of conversations on both parts to move through it!

You are not abnormal. This happens with many women

he doesn’t believe that. He thinks I just don’t want to. No matter how many times I’ve explained it, he gets angry

That must be scary

It might be time to think about counselling. I understand that he wants sex. I know what it was like to feel guilt for not having my usual libido after the hysterectomy and not wanting to disappoint my husband. We had a series of respectful and honest talks about where we were both physically and emotionally. So for all the understanding I have about what he may be feeling I have to say he has no right to call you names, guilt, shame or coerce you in anyway. Period. End of discussion. That said, if YOU want to kickstart your libido there may be things you can do either herbal or something else outside of western medicine. It would help your husband to understand that emotion is a huge part of libido and sex for women so his behavior is making things worse for you and himself. I’d bet if your sex drive was cruising along and he started with erectile dysfunction b/c of his aging process he would want some understanding. I wish you the best of luck.

I hate the name calling but I’ve been excusing it for so long because I know he’s frustrated. And about the ED, he does have it, which makes the odd time I even get myself in a mindset to try, a complete disaster. I wish there was a way to help him understand that sex is not the be all end all of a marriage. He thinks it is

Definitely counselling. Go yourself if he won’t go with you. Might be that he’s just got a lot of anger towards himself and the ED and lashing out at you. I’m pretty sure he’d hate it if you said ‘you’re not a man’ or called him ‘limp dick’ or anything else that is designed to humiliate and shame.

Hi ladies,
I m on menopause because i m taking a medication for endometriosis that stops my period. I ve been taking it for the last 7 years, practically since i was 39, i suffered from loss of libido and dryness as you said, BUT i ve noticed that my desire got higher with exercise and weight loss.. i feel like a teenager now
So please to exercise daily, strength training worked miracles for me n keep me posted

Sorry your going through that! But yes it’s happens. It feels like too much work. If your husband loves you he should understand. Hate is such a strong word to use for lack of sex. I hope the issue is resolved soon. Good luck

Hey, sorry to hear this. I am the same way. My sex drive is low too. I once went six months. It definitely is not good for either of you. I had a hysterectomy 20 years ago and I think that’s what happened to me.

I can totally relate to this at 54. I’m now in Hrt, antidepressants , extra oestrogen cream for down below due to pain on intimacy , but have so many things going on with unhappiness with parents being Ill and stress at work , feels life is hard and so affected by my surroundings , have zero libido . He gets so cross so I feel even less inclined. If it was the other way around I would still love unconditionally, makes me feel angry but can’t say anything . I know communication is key but don’t know where to start 😞

I totally understand especially the part that if it was reversed I would love him anyway… it’s an awful position to be in

I just don’t know what to do, such a mixture of anger I can’t express and frustration with how I am and feel. I love him but feel sad and have to submit to take a small break from the pressure xx

@Sandra YES! I am 51 and have zero sex drive. Just surpassed 1 year no sex with my hubby. Don't want to even think about it nor go through the motions of performing the act. I hear you sister. I feel horrible, feeling this way, I carry guilt & my relationship has suffered greatly bc of this, along with bouts of anxiety and depression that I haven't felt in years.
Needless to say menopause hasn't been kind to me!

I absolutely feel your frustration. I am there too. Unexplained frustration, mood swings, anger at times mostly disappointed with myself. Health issues plague me and the furthest thing from my mind is sex. Just went 1 year with no sex. I am not proud. But I have zero sex drive and desire. And the guilt haunts me especially when my relationship is basically in the toilet. Women have it rough, men not so much. Feeling frustrated & defeated!

Seems like it's not just you. I understand your circumstances for sure. I even get pressure from my girl friends saying it's not ok to deprive your husband WTF.

Have you seen your doctor and talked to them about possibly having testrone? Lack of sex drive can be done to low testrone level so it's worth having these levels checked out. I'm in surgical menopause and my sex drive has gone completely too. I spoke to my doctor and they checked my levels and this was low. So they put me on testrone, a pessary hrt for dryness and my normal patch. Things are improving gradually I'm pleased to say but it's only been a few weeks so far. It's really worth looking into. I had a good sex drive before and it was so frustrating for me to have nothing at all.
Your husband sounds like he really should be more understanding. It's not fair he's putting that pressure on you when you don't feel "it".
I wish I could bring myself to pretend to lie back and do it for my husband. Even that part of my brain has switched off since my op. The idea of sex just made me want to run away and I just couldn't physically couldn't bring myself to do anything even remotely sexual.