I need help, does anyone have some insight or advice or know where i can go to receive the right kind of help?
I have a compulsive eating disorder along with anorexia..i go through intense cycles of binging until i cannot move from eating too much and then when my weight reaches a certain number i basically starve myself while craving to eat more until i lose what i gained..when i start to eat, i can not control it and i will continue to eat untill there is no more food left in front of me. At times i'll finish my plate before realizing i'm even half way through then get confused on where the food went.
When there's food or snacks nearby, even in grocery stores i have to mentally fight myself to not grab the food. Also have to deliberately and steadily monitor how much i eat, how many bites I take just so I don't consume too much; it is exhausting of how cautious i have to be with food. When i won't allow myself to eat my breathing feels heavy and shallow and i'll cry if it is too bad just because i want more food.
I have gum to chew on for when i am not eating so my urge for food isn't as strong while I'm not eating.
My anorexia used to be much worse but the compulsive eating is what kept me alive. Now after having kids i have to force myself to eat so i can stay healthy enough to care for them. Just am always scared i will lose control and gain too much because completely starving myself is not an option. I love my kids too much to let myself become too sick. I want to always be there for them no matter what.
There has been times i've fainted due to the urge of eating food being too strong. And my teeth are continuously getting worse no matter how often i brush and floss..the dentist said i will lose all my teeth soon if i don't take better care of my teeth but i am. I am cleaning my teeth 5+ times a day...it's all the snacking and eating that is ruining my teeth.
It's a daily problem for me, and i am not sure where i can get the right kind of help for this. It is just too much to worry about food while i have 3 kids to take care of and along with my other mental issues....i want to get better, just need extra help.
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thank you
Oh honey my heart absolutely goes out to you. You are in the grip of a demon right now. All consuming soul destroying.
I don’t want you to live another day like this. Especially not when you’ve got three kids taking everything you’ve got too.
Start by forgiving yourself for anything in the past and everything that has lead you to this point. We all have our demons and just the fact that you posted here shows somewhere inside you , you have the will and the strength to fight this. You are doing the best you can with where you are, but I can tell you it’s totally possible to recover and your life can be So.Much.More. Forgive yourself, be kind to yourself, speak to yourself with love as you make your way to get the extra help you need.
Book in with your GP and tell them what you told us. Or scale it back if that’s more comfortable for you. They will be able to refer you to a psychologist or clinic that can help you. Don’t let them weigh you if that’s going to trigger you.
That’s not necessary. But do not leave until you have a referral or phone number to your next step.
I’m rooting for you.
A life of freedom lays ahead, but you’ve got a battle to fight. You’re fighting anyway- make the call which battle you want to fight.
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