Moms and Moms-to-Be fighting EDs

So I went through recovery last March and was ok. Got pregnant in October and was fine with food my whole pregnancy. I gave birth (c-section) three weeks ago and now I have no appetite at all. I have no “eating disorder” thoughts. Apart from loosing the baby weight, but nothing like before! I just don’t know what to do. Did anyone ever experience this. I’m not sure if it’s down to the trauma of my section. And I’m Brest feeding so I’m trying to eat to keep that going but am literally not hungry. I don’t want to force myself to eat because that will not help in relation to my ed.

I’ve struggled with my view of food and giving my body nutrients my whole life. Prior to getting pregnant though, I was in a pretty good place. I was eating what I wanted, when I wanted, working out regularly, and having minimal days of self hatred. I wasn’t nutrient conscious by any stretch of the imagination, but I also wasn’t eating terribly. A filling breakfast, a protein shake with fruit at lunch, and kind of whatever for dinner. I didn’t count calories, macros, or anything else because that would bring on obsessive thoughts.

Unfortunately, at 7 weeks pregnant (I’m at 9 now), I started getting nauseous, but the only solution I found is to eat VERY often. But also, I can’t eat as much in one meal as I used to be able to. So my entire day has been restructured around eating constantly (or that’s what it feels like at least). I’ve had to switch from ~3 meals a day to 6-8 small meals. And, I’ve had to be more conscious about what I’m eating because if I don’t get enough protein in each meal, I’m having to eat even more often. Understandably (I think), this has made my relationship with food to become very negative again. I hate that I have to be thinking about what I’m eating again, because it’s bringing back my urge to obsess about the number of calories/etc, and restrict my intake.

I guess I’m just looking for some emotional support and hope that this might get better.

I have a compulsive eating disorder along with anorexia..i go through intense cycles of binging until i cannot move from eating too much and then when my weight reaches a certain number i basically starve myself while craving to eat more until i lose what i gained..when i start to eat, i can not control it and i will continue to eat untill there is no more food left in front of me. At times i'll finish my plate before realizing i'm even half way through then get confused on where the food went.

When there's food or snacks nearby, even in grocery stores i have to mentally fight myself to not grab the food. Also have to deliberately and steadily monitor how much i eat, how many bites I take just so I don't consume too much; it is exhausting of how cautious i have to be with food. When i won't allow myself to eat my breathing feels heavy and shallow and i'll cry if it is too bad just because i want more food.

I have gum to chew on for when i am not eating so my urge for food isn't as strong while I'm not eating.

My anorexia used to be much worse but the compulsive eating is what kept me alive. Now after having kids i have to force myself to eat so i can stay healthy enough to care for them. Just am always scared i will lose control and gain too much because completely starving myself is not an option. I love my kids too much to let myself become too sick. I want to always be there for them no matter what.

There has been times i've fainted due to the urge of eating food being too strong. And my teeth are continuously getting worse no matter how often i brush and floss..the dentist said i will lose all my teeth soon if i don't take better care of my teeth but i am. I am cleaning my teeth 5+ times a day...it's all the snacking and eating that is ruining my teeth.

It's a daily problem for me, and i am not sure where i can get the right kind of help for this. It is just too much to worry about food while i have 3 kids to take care of and along with my other mental issues....i want to get better, just need extra help.