My 6 year old

Hi, these questions can sometimes be helpful for our own self reflection.

How are you framing instructions, or setting and holding boundaries?

Are you offering reasonable choices?
What does this look like?

Are you listening/hearing your child and acknowledging and validating her position?

Does she have any power/control/autonomy over herself and her day?

How are you responding to requests?

How are you responding in the moment to a "fit"?

How have you coached her, emotionally, up to this point? Does she know of other ways to express herself? How have you been encouraging and facilitating her regulation?
Can she identify and communicate what emotions she's feeling?

Do you express genuine empathy to her feelings?

Are you creating a safe space (physically and emotionally) for her to fully and safely express herself?

That’s the thing I don’t know how to help her I just give in and give her what she wants

Ah OK.

I can share some amazing resourses with you, that have excellent advice, information, and helpful strategies.

There are some amazing accounts on Facebook that help with understanding and supporting children through their emotional development, and understanding their cognitive development.

https://www.facebook.com/instituteofchildpsychology/

https://www.facebook.com/neurochildHQ/

https://www.facebook.com/visiblechildinc/

https://www.facebook.com/drbeckyatgoodinside

https://www.facebook.com/DrMonaDelahooke

https://www.facebook.com/ourmamavillage

https://www.facebook.com/responsiveparent

https://www.facebook.com/transformingtoddlerhood

https://www.facebook.com/BigLittleFeelings/

https://www.facebook.com/drvanessalapointe

https://raisedgood.com/the-art-and-science-of-natural-parenting/

https://www.momjunction.com/articles/practicing-conscious-parenting_00399856/

https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/228-help-your-child-develop-self-control

On development;

https://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/child-development/child-development-by-age

https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/development/development-tracker/6-8-years

https://starskills.com.au/developmental-milestones-6-7-year-olds/

https://www.ahaparenting.com/read/6-year-old-with-explosive-temper

Thank you

For tantrums and meltdowns, these are usually age and developmentally appropriate. They have minimal impulse control, they're dealing with alot of emotions they don't understand, and they don't know how to process or express them. They need the calm, co regulation, and guidance of their caregivers.

Remaining calm, patient, acknowledging their emotions and the reasons, validating them, providing genuine empathy to the situation and their feelings. Holding space for them to process them in a safe place, offering comfort and respecting their physical boundaries (some children like hugs while dysregulated, others do not), and waiting until they're regulated again to talk to, and reason with them, and redirect.

You may need to move them to a safe area, block/deflect/step back/gently restrain them and redirect to an appropriate outlet.

Calmly set boundaries relating to their actions;

"You cannot hit, you can stomp your feet, or take 5 big breaths"

"I won't let you hit me, that hurts. You can squeeze this pillow, or stomp your feet"

"It's OK to be angry/frustrated, it's not ok to hit/kick/throw/bite".

"I'm here for you, we can have a cuddle when you're ready"

You can model how to behave while drawing attention to your own emotions and how you process:

"I can feel my body getting angry, I'm going to take 5 big breaths and have a glass of water"

"Ohh I feel much better now".

Or however you regulate.

Reading books on emotions and communication, role playing, and debriefing can also be effective.

This is some excellent further reading regarding tantrums and meltdowns;


https://www.parentingforbrain.com/deal-toddler-temper-tantrums/#:~:text=Toddler%20temper%20tantrums%20are%20natural,independence%2C%20and%20yet%20they%20cannot.

https://www.positiveparentingconnection.net/tantrums/

https://biglittlefeelings.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/5-Tips-to-Stop-a-Tantrum-Before-It-Even-Starts-1.pdf

https://raisedgood.com/toddlers-meltdowns-brain-development-ditch-traditional-discipline/