So YOU cheated sis? Why?

Yeah no most relationships aren’t going to work after that because trust is gone. I never understood why people don’t just break up with their s/o instead of going behind their backs.

I cheated because of the same reasons. My husband paid more attention to his video games then he did me. (This was prior to getting married) we never broke up which honestly surprised me. It was a one and done thing and I felt horrible so I told him. But even now a couple years later whenever we get into huge fights he will always throw it in my face and I hate that. I was also cheated on in my relationship prior to my husband. It sucks. That’s why whenever people say “once a cheater always a cheater” I don’t believe that. I’ve cheated once in my entire life and regretted it immediately. And I’ve never again cheated on him but it’s like a slap to the face every time he brings it up

@Ashley I respect that and trust me I was gutted when HE (ex) did it to me so I knew what I was dealing with. Perhaps it was the "maybe you wanted to get busted" behind it all? I think we don't divorce and stay because we love our partners just lose sight of what's important because our needs are being met or blatantly ignored. I respect your opinion regardless.

@Ophelia Yeah it's like 2 steps forward 10 steps back. But from the limited therapy we did receive I know in order to move forward that should stop being thrown as a dagger. Problem is no one follow through with what happens next when you don't stop throwing it in your face. He was HURT I get it. But it never comes OUT THE BLUE. We've BEEN talking about what we needed. We're doing the work but that part gets real old and pushes things farther apart not together. Hang in there love. 🙏 He's got to FORGIVE you or... 😔

@Yolanda exactly. And I hope things gets better for you to hun 🤍

I got cheated on and that was the similar excuse it's disgusting and inexcusable. Finish with the person instead of destroying the other person making them feel worthless not good enough etc can't stand cheating. Even if you "sort things" it's never sorted is it. Trust is gone you know if it's happened once there is no stopping them. If someone was honest about it, there is a tiny possibility of trying to sort things but if not then fuck right off. I have BpD along with other things. Been abandoned cheated and abused most my life I couldn't do it again. I'd probably end up in prison tbh

@Amanda I can tell that emotionally this is still very RAW for you. It took me forever to get over it if I truly ever did and I was LIVID and highly pissed but long lasting marriages that we aspire to have are not blemish-free. Humans make mistakes and attempting to love unconditionally better or for worse is exactly that. So is free will, if you choose to reconcile and STAY don't make your partner's life a living hell if It IS too much to push through just move ON. BUT TRY.

I left him four years ago lol 😂 did try I couldn't. Bet met someone else 2.5 years ago will never look back.

@Ashley as someone who got back with the ex that cheated (we are also having a baby ) , he has never told me but i figured it out from his behaviour pattern . People who cheat instead of leaving do it because they don’t want to leave the security of what they have even if it seems boring now , it’s safe , but they also want some excitement and fun back in their lives . The only thing is , chasing a good time over a good thing will never make someone happy long term .

@Hannah THAT PART.

Lol as someone whom has cheated and been cheated on I think I have a good take on it. First off let’s not shame people for staying or forgiving someone whom cheated. If we look at tons of couples who’ve been married for 30 or 50+ years then trust and believe they went through some hardships but they stayed. However cheating is hard to get past because of the trauma and broken trust it brings. If your husband or wife isn’t able to truly work on forgiving and you aren’t truly going to work on doing what it takes to get that trust back in the relationship then there is no point. There are lots of discussions to be had and having a therapist/counselor that has experience in this is going to help. Speak to friends or family who’ve gone through it as well. It’s hard! Sometimes you think this will never work, they will never forgive me, or let’s just give up or you can’t forgive them. It’s all up to that person whom was cheated on.

The person whom was cheated on needs to understand they can’t throw it in your face anymore, if they need to discuss it, the pain, what they are feeling then yes but using it as a threat or low blow is only going to damage the both of you! 🥰 I’d say a serious conversation will be needed to really see if he’s willing to work on the relationship or if it’s something he wants to part with

And lastly making sure you let him know that you’re sorry and if he truly wants then you’re willing to do what he needs to work on building the relationship back! Ask what he needs, what he feels, what he thinks will help rebuild.

@Hannah 100💯 and you can get excitement back, role play, out side sex, risky sex, date nights etc if my man isn't happy and they tell me I'd fix it. I was in labour with sepsis with our daughter and he went off with the neighbor 🤦 multiple times during the pregnancy aswell. He missed the birth even though they both new I was in labour I past our at home with the other children had to be blue lights sirens 24 miles from hospital. Then during special care he had that same person in our house "Netflix and chilling" vile humans. I literally put my all into relationships. Nothing is too much. 🤷

The sad part is once you cheat your old relationship is dead. They will never fully forget and it will always hurt them. He can forgive but the damage is deeply done. My post partum crazy made me look for an escape that was no where worth it. It would have been better to separate temporarily

I think the trust is gone for good because of who you cheated with. If it was a stranger there’s no history but an ex is a lot worse 😕

I'd gone through a rough patch in my life & I went out one night, got excessively drunk (vomited) but came home & a guy I'd spoken to messaged me-we met up kissed and texted for a week. I told my partner about 5 months later. It's been an interesting thing for our relationship. We decided to open our relationship after this & weirdly has been very life altering in a positive way

@Alexxis Nicole how do I applaud this. 👏

@Jen well said. Whole-heartedly agree

@Nancy drinking was definitely a factor and a slippery slope when binging. Poor choices were made when I did.

I cheated as well because of the exact same situation, my fiance and I had completely lost the love I felt we used to have and our whole relationship consisted of arguments and fights. Not to mention we were long distance at this point so the time we did get together should've been spent making loving memories and growing together for our future rather than turning against eachother every other day. I was also 3 months pregnant at our lowest point and I didn't understand at the time why everything hurt me 10× more during this time. Not finding the comfort and love I desired from my partner for such a long time I made the mistake of turning to an old partner for these things, who later called my fiance and told him of the situation after I denied getting back with him. Long story short, my mistake resulted in me going through my entire pregnancy, delivery, and now two months pp completely alone.

Honestly, once trust is broken it never gets normal again.

@Yasmim I don't agree personally, depends on the people

@Jazlynfaithh So much in common including what should have been amazing moments (last trimester, baby movements, final sonogram birth and taking your beautiful baby home) together you handled it alone. I did too... I wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy but what doesn't kill you sis, makes you Hella strong doesn't it? You and your baby are absolutely exquisite. You were human and like the point I made earlier a lot of men can't handle what they've done on the regular. We rarely get that same grace or mercy so keep it pushing. Motherhood is amazing... my favorite moments were going to my daughter crib in the morning and she recognizing my face and smiling. Or smelling her baby's breath. Enjoy it, they'll be up and walking and trying to sneak out your car while sleeping before you know it. 😆

@Yasmim I think perhaps it's fractured but it can be mended. Time can heal all things If you can TRULY forgive and you see they wouldn't risk it ALL again.