Partner
nothing changes for men, but everything has to change for the woman. He is selfish.
I have a 1-month-old and a 2.5-year-old. I’m not breastfeeding, but I’m constantly doing everything for the baby. He helps with bedtime for the toddler and bath time. I cook and clean. I have to ask for help. For example, I was poorly with mastitis and had to ask him to come up to bed early to be ready for the first night feed instead of me waking up. (I fell asleep at 7:30 with the baby.) I feel like I shouldn’t have even needed to ask.
My toddler wakes up anywhere from 5am, and the baby also stirs from wind at 4am and goes back to sleep whenever he feels like it. So I need to deal with my toddler and a crying baby at the same time. My toddler won’t go back to sleep if he hears his brother crying, and my partner just left for the gym.
I said to him, “If you’re awake, you should maybe take the baby so I can get some more sleep, and this is where you can be selfish.”
He said his body was feeling tight. Then I said, “Whatever, just go anyway.” He then came back up saying, “I cba with this, just give me the baby!” — making me feel like I should feel bad because I want sleep before he goes to work.
Am I in the wrong for thinking the gym can just do one or if he can’t be bothered to go at night when our toddler is fully asleep and doesn’t wake up, then that’s his problem. That he should just actually think about the whole family needs right now. Like if my toddler wakes before 6 he’s going to be exhausted because I won’t be able to get him back to sleep with a crying baby therefore everyone is going to be exhausted and tapped out by 3pm
Edit - suggested going in evening and all I got is that’s definitely not happening so I need to just like it 🤷♀️
Probably not gonna read this, but I just need a minute. Literally.
So we got into an argument over the fact that when he comes home he’ll pick up the house a bit for like maybe 20 mins and then go shower and then goes down stairs for 1.5 hour to 2 hours to smoke in the car. He’ll talk to his brothers and smoke, or just scroll on TikTok and smoke. But when I get off work I either immediately go to tend to our daughter, or finish cooking, if not clean, or do homework. I’ll either bathe her or just get her ready for bed and play with her until she’s tired around 9 pm. I get off work at 8 pm (11 am -8 ) and he works at 8am- 6 with a hour drive back home. The whole time I work I’m also providing childcare. And our daughter has been teething so it’s been a lot of screaming , and whining. So I try to provide as much comfort through out the day, while also preparing her breakfast, lunch and dinner, all while working from home in sales being on calls, also dealing with people and talking to people all day. On his way out I explained to him to please get her because she’s been screaming for the past hour to 1.5 while I been working. This was 5 minutes before I clocked out. I knew if he walked out that door, by the time he came back all he had to do was turn on his ps5 to play 2k or “want to spend time together” but atp I’ve done everything and I finally got the moment to start to decompress. I explained to him I’d rather have him smoke and do all that when she’s in bed. He says he wanted to do it before you get off so we can spend time together. So I explained, That it’s not fair you get to have time alone and I don’t get any. He’s always saying “ just cause I’m smoking downstairs, doesn’t mean I’m having alone time.” But except it does. I explained “you get peace and quiet.” “You get to have a moment to yourself without having to do anything”. It comes to the point where I just wish I can also go down and smoke and have alone time away from everyone too. But I don’t smoke. Me saying that to him suddenly means I just want to be away from the family. Which I don’t, I just want alone time too. Where I’m not needed, or have responsibilities to think about just for a moment. It’s not fair that he gets to have time to decompress and I don’t because by the time he’s come back upstairs, ive done it all and finally layed in my own bed. Then he comes in, and expects to spend time with him. When I haven’t had any chance to spend time with myself. Don’t get me started on what that spending time actually consists of. At least what he tries to make it consist of, but I’m constantly fighting him off. Then I feel bad about that. Ugh.
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