Would you date a man 14 years older than you?

My knee jerk reaction is yes no big deal but really it depends on both of your levels of maturity and what stage you are each at in life. Especially if there are kids or if either of you want kids in the future.

But I also think of me and my hubs, he's 37 I'm 34, we have friends with kids that are 20/21 and when we are around them they seem like an entirely different species than us 🤣🤣

A friend of our was dating a 21 year old, he was 28, and he says the age gap is the main reason things didn't work out, he was done with the bar hopping and being out all night, she was just getting started

I am definitely mature and wise for my age. I am serious and bring a lot to the table in a partnership. I'm not sure about him, but have a son and I'm very conscious and compassionate about the way that I raise him. I want financial security and peace in my home. I would hope he is the same.

My reaction would be no and only because we most likely won’t understand each other’s joke references and stuff because we’re from different generations 😂 id be like “remember when…” blah blah blah and he’d be like “no because I was 14 and wasn’t watching that” or he’d say the same thing and I’d be like “no i wasn’t born yet” lmaoooo

@Jessa I get that! But we've already been joking about stuff and seem to have a similar sense of humor. I think just making jokes about life and laughing a lot is super important. I made a joke to my friend and sent her a pic of a man from 1985 and said "this was him chilling when my mom had me😂"

Sounds pretty controlling to me already, why is there a rush y’all getting to know each-other has no rush , he’s 37 doesn’t mean he’s capable of things that he hasn’t shown what he says and seems is different than what he will show over time, 37 means he’s 30 lol and your prob more mature than him in the given time

Controlling ?

My bad it’s how you said you’ll present him an answer today I read it out of context

@✨🌱Essence🌱✨ Yeah I was just playing😂 Btw you seem like such a dope soul! I know you already know that😊

No I wouldn’t date a man 14 years older than me. There is a reason why older guys go for very young women - because they are easier to manipulate, extremely naïve and easily believe their BS.

There is also a massive power difference going on and at 23, it is easy to get swept up by an older guy who talks the talk and says will treat you like a queen etc. but in reality, you’ll find it’s likely he has a lot of baggage/emotionally void etc and that’s the real reason why he doesn’t date his age mates because no older woman would put up with his BS.

At 23 you are in the prime of your life and could (and should) have pick of any young man. Don’t waste your prime time on a guy approaching his 40s and likely going to turn into an old man real soon.

If you do date him, make sure you keep your eyes open for red flags.

@Neena THANK YOU! I appreciate this advice. This is the kind of advice I need to hear. This is what happened with my son's dad, who is only 6 years older than me. Manipulated the heck out of me, talkkkkked omg did he talk and not act, made it seem like he had his act together and is literally the definition of a deadbeat! That man had a mental chokehold on me for the longesttt time, really screwed me over, and messed up so much in my life because he took advantage of me. I am keeping my eyes open for red flags. I was thinking the same thing about the emotional damage. Men who have been through hurt and pain will likely have issues, just like us women, but I have to decide if it's worth being my problem when I have myself and whole son to take care of. And I don't think it is.

Incog you sound very switched on for someone so young. I must admit, I have a friend who is 25 and she amazes me daily with how smart she is and doesn’t take no shit from anyone. Gen Z women are definitely setting trends as far as understanding toxic traits and trauma and choosing not to accept mediocrity from men! I love to see it 👏🏽

Trust me, I do understand. I dated a guy 9 years older than me at 17. I had no business messing around with an older guy. I had no idea he was a narcissist and by the time I realised, my head was so twisted, I had no idea whether I was coming or going. It took me 10 years before I left that relationship 🤦🏽‍♀️

Also it’s good that you recognise you have a child too in the mix. What happens if this guy wants kids with you, you have one and he treats his bio kid different than yours? What if he takes a dislike to your child and resents the fact you won’t be free at the drop of a hat?

Absolutely

It depends. This guy is in a cohort or two above you. Their views in relationships, politics, travel, and child rearing are going to be very different than yours. If you can both compromise about things, I don’t see why it wouldn’t work out. But if either one of you is stubborn and won’t budge on anything, I wouldn’t recommend it.

Hell no what’s a 37 year old wanting from a 23 year old? He’s old enough to be your father. A young father but still technically possible. Why can’t he find anyone his age? These things would bother me. I’ve had the opportunity to date way old than my age but I felt groooossss. It’s rare for this to work. Any issue that arises he can make you feel belittled and that you’re “young” so you don’t know shit. You can end up feeling like you have to agree to everything. I just don’t get good vibes at all

@Neena I love it too. Social media is very validating. Seeing all of the women who won't take shit from men with abusive behavior, who won't settle, uplift us in our ability to see our own value and want better for ourselves, is so so amazing, and amazing for society as a whole, because men will start acting right too and so will our children. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Toxic relationships are so awful and draining. I'm glad you got out of that! Thank you for your advice💖

Gratitude 🧘🏽‍♀️I am pretty Dope lol 😝 I hope you get clarity , and a safe and great experience

Yes I married a man 12 yrs younger than me

I’m going to echo what some others have said. There’s a reason why older men want to be with younger girls. Not the best reasons either. You sound smarter than to fawn to this guy’s manipulation though. I would dip sooner than later.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CwPjR4wokhI/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

I saw this and thought of you Incog