How do you tell your husband he's not doing enough?
When he "takes care" or our son he... just gives him a bottle (he's a year old so he's eating solids and I cook for him..)
He lays next to him while my son plays by himself with his toys but he's on his phone. He doesn't do laundry... I'm pregnant (13 weeks) and I'm tired... but he always waits for me to cook for him and do laundry...
When we are at his parents he just sits on the couch on his phone or sleeps while my in laws watch him... which they shouldn't have to be watching him like that...
I don't know how to bring this up.. like I need help. I get he works late night but I'd like some help.
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I’ve been in a similar situation and I just told the dad straight out. for me as a first time mom I was juggling so much and didn’t feel it was fair for my daughter dad to have a “lighter load” than me. I also didn’t want to keep biting my tongue because I was started to have resentment for him. it worked for us after I spoke my mind because he stated he didn’t even really notice.
Girl. Leave.
These aren't men.
I went through this twice. And now I don't believe in marriage bc I've been with the same man for 6+years and marriage only got brought up when I wanted to leave or find a better reason to get out of the relationship.
If you have to come here for advice then This is when you part ways quietly and write the fool a note saying. You're filing for divorce. You're not the man you thought he was and he will never be if he hasn't shown it from day 1. You don't do crap like how I imagined etc. And I'm not your maid , personal chef , or laundry worker. I'm your wife and a mother . Time to start taking responsibility for yourself the right way and quit expecting others to cover for what you aren't doing. The end. Something like that.
Or just say this to him instead of a note but nicer😁
It's all about communication. Yes he probably should notice this but he probably hasn't, and if you don't mention it he will just carry on as he isn't getting any feedback saying otherwise.
Listen to Simone. Me and my other half are the same. We have mental catch ups now. A quick check in - is everything OK, are we doing or not doing anything to cause frustration, can we do better. It works.
This up and leave attitude isn't the way to be everytime, especially at 13 weeks pregnant. It can just take a conversation to sort issues. Try that first x
Conversation wise; I would make a tea/coffee and then be like, so a few things are getting me down at the moment and I feel like I just need to have a chat. Explain calmly what it is that's frustrating you.
Give him solutions that will help you. Don't let him try to just guess what you want him to do. Explain you need more help with your son, explain his development and milestones and that he needs more engagement to develop into an independent child and especially with new baby you don't want him to start feeling left out before the baby is even here and it would be good for him to be more one on one.
Then check in with him, is there anything you need, are you ok? As its not a one way street and you never know x
It doesn't have to be an argument. It can be a really decent conversation and could solve so much just from having that open communication. Men (and women sometimes) can just be so blinkered in a routine and not realise how it affects the other person until they are told. They aren't mindreaders x
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