Toddler prefers MIL and I can't help feel jealous

My MIL visits us from abroad every summer and helps with the kids. I have a newborn who keeps me busy and my 3 year old is mostly with MIL..over the course of few weeks they've built a strong bond to the point my daughter wants her grandma over me. If she is hurt, she runs to MIL, she wants to be fed and bathed by MIL...I feel like she doesn't even care for me anymore. I've been a sahm for 3 years and dedicated my life to raising my girl and it hurts my heart when My girl rejects me. It also doesn't help that MIL gets amused everytime she runs to her instead of me; adding to her ego...now I know this isn't about me. I am happy that my daughter is building strong bonds with others in her life and I shouldn't let my pride get to me...but this sadness/jealousy won't go away...anyone else been in similar situations and how you dealt with it?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

My son does this with almost everyone that spends any time with him, especially now that I’ve got a newborn. I really don’t mind as it’s good for him to form these bonds with his family.

He does it with MIL, he’ll ask for her and she lets him get away with things I wouldn’t allow, she’ll always give a snide comment about he doesn’t even care that I’m there or that he was happy without me and didn’t ask for me, or that he’s just a lost kid now that I’ve just given birth to my second 🤨
Again wouldn’t mind him “preferring” her but these comments piss me right off 😅 but for now I’m just trying to ignore it and not show that it bothers me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Avatar

Honestly you shouldn’t take it to heart. I’m sure if it was your mother your LO was running to you wouldn’t mind as much. She’s a grandma and grandparents love it when their grandchildren want them. You’ll be a grandma one day and you’ll know the feeling 😌😊 I have a 20 month old cousin. And my aunt brings him to my mums house multiple times a week and sometimes he stays the whole day when she has to work or do other things. My cousin looooves my mum and runs to her for everything. It’s normal because he’s not with her everyday and she doesn’t say no to him lol. She even says “oooo you live your aunty the most” and my aunt doesn’t get bothered and neither does her husband. They actually like that their child is loved so much and cared for. Just take it as an advantage that your children are loved so much. Sometimes in laws hate their grandchildren, my grad parents (on my dads side) especially grandma, never gave me love my mums parents loved me more and I wish they did the same💁🏻‍♀️

Avatar

I can relate! My mil comes to visit here and there and we don’t have the best relationship. Can’t stand her but my son loves her and it hurts alottt. He also does the same with my sister when she comes to visit and even that hurts because I feel like I do so much for him, have sacrificed so much and he chooses them over me.

Avatar

Toddlers are jerks babe. It's a phase

Avatar

Take it as a compliment you raised her well and she feels so strong in her attachment to you that she can make new attachments and knows you will take her right back even after the rejection. I never felt as comfy around extended family and it is partially because I didn't have a secure attachment with my parents.

Avatar

Also very hard though and I would have the same feelings , but this perspective will help me i hope lol my MIL lives across the street 😭im sure by the time she's 3 she will more actively be wanting to go over there without me.

Avatar

I get it ❤️ I had to settle in my heart long ago that our children will always prefer someone else in most situations. Keep in mind, we’re familiar. We’re there day in and day out, so anyone outside of their norm they see as a ‘special visitor’ so it’s exciting to them. Plus we’re the ones that tell them no, discipline them when needed, and handle all the not so fun moments as a parent rather than a friend/grandparent 😅 But at the end of the day, when they need someone to lean on we’re the ones they come to because they know we’ll always be there ❤️ I honestly love that we get to be the dependable ones over the favorite ones, I actually think it shows we’re doing something right 💕 And it really is so good for them to develop those bonds with others!

Avatar

My son does this with pretty much anyone who comes over. If it's just us home I get the hugs and kisses but even if my husband is home I'm a second thought. As moms, we are their given, they know we aren't going anywhere so other people are more exciting at this stage.

Avatar

My mil wanted that type of relationship with my kids as they’re her first grandkids but naturally the children are closer with my parents as we live with them. She soon stopped when I left both the kids with her on weekends that I was working 😂

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

If yall still giving your kids processed food, pls seek help

I understand not everybody can afford healthy ingredients all the time, but I’m seeing so many moms on social media giving they kids artificial cereals, coffee, frozen pancakes, velveetta Mac and cheese, hot Cheetos, kraft, the list goes on. I’m sorry but are yall not capable of cooking from scratch or ?? On top of that, if you still using canola and vegetable oil in 2026 you gotta stop. Am I the only one that notices this ???

Avatar

3

24

Sahm .. the dad role .

Hi!! I’m 2 months pp. and I really would like your opinion on this situation if you have a moment.
So I have always had a job before the baby, and my bd .. not really. But 2 weeks before he was born he scored a really good job and I was able to be a sahm. Which is what I wanted , and I’m unsure if it’s still what I want or if the situation just isn’t right.
At first he was a great help in the hospital as I had an emergency c section. I was in the hospital for about a week and for most of that time I was in bed .
But after that.. I’m lucky if he will watch the baby while I shower .and I mean that seriously.
I am the only one who changes diapers, only one who bathes , feeds or watched him in general. And of course he may be tired after work but it’s like he completely avoids any responsibility. Like he will take a hour coming home and stop by his friends house otw . He will sit down stairs for hours knowing I won’t go down there bc I’m uncomfy . So I have the baby then.
We have been out maybe 2-3 times sense I had him & he refused to push the stroller c change or anything. In fact we got to the mall and said he needed to split up and I had the baby.
I feel he only wants the baby when it’s for … attention? Like to post the baby on social media or if his family is here he will take him .

I just feel like on days he doesn’t have work the next morning he should be helping , and if he is up early before work while I’m still sleeping he should get the baby instead of scrolling on reels for 3 hours .

Honestly he has really ruined my new born phase with my son. Within the first week of us being home I had to full on switch to survival mode I would call it. He would complain if dinner wasn’t done or if the room was a mess , he would complain if the diaper caddy had no diapers which really makes no sense bc he didn’t even changed the diapers . It was just everything.
I’m just wondering if there is anything I could say to get some type of help out of him.
I tried reaching out to his mother but honestly his hole family is oblivious to his behaviour.

Avatar

1

7

Nursery ideas

Guys I need help! This is going to be my daughter’s nursery and I want to make it cute. Help me find an aesthetic look or a good layout to place some furniture/cribs etc!!

Avatar

9

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

Avatar

12

Should I respect his wishes??

I’ve been a SAHM for 4 years now and my husband does a great job providing for our family and we never need for anything. With that i still had to sacrifice some wants like shopping when I want getting my hair and nails done regularly so when I can I try to supplement for my wants and savings by selling my craft items at vendor markets and recently I’ve started donating plasma. Which has been consistent income for me. $125 twice a week. Well my husband has expressed that he doesn’t like me donating plasma. He feels like it’s not worth it to put my body through those conditions for $125. He even went out to sell one of his guns today and gave me all the money and told me “I shouldn’t have to donate plasma no more”. That was so sweet but I disagree. I planned on continuing to donate plasma to save for my kids birthdays thats coming up, a trip we have planned and our anniversary. I don’t know what to do. I finally found something that pays something consistently and my husband is against it. What should I do?

Avatar

1

10

Blw

Hi I am running out off ideas on what to make for Lil 14 month old for breakfast lunch and dinner if anyone have any resipes would be great to try my boy with them

Avatar

4

Read more on Peanut