Mil

I hate it. Call him “your grand baby”, “your peanut” …whatever…but on what planet is he anyone other than me and my husbands baby. I certainly think that the first couple of times it wasn’t done specifically to annoy me….sorta like calling herself “mom” was a slip of the tongue (I think….”mommas going to go cook now” and then corrected herself to say “nonna”)…but then I first hinted I didn’t like it….”here is your baby (pointing at my husband”…I eventually told her to stop or she wouldn’t be holding him.. so now she does it every time “accidentally” and then corrects herself. 🤨

I hate it. He's mine and my husband son. No body else helped create him or raises him, so I don't allow the "my baby" "my boy". My mil constantly calls him "my grandson" in like an aggressive tone, never by his name. She gets highly upset if he talks about his other grandma's too.

My mother in law and mom say "memaw/mimi's baby/boy/ect" and it kinda used to bother me with my mother in law but he loves her so much and she is very respectful about the fact that Im his mommy and im definitely his favorite so ive gotten over it. I get pissed when anyone else says it though because nobody else makes enough of an effort to be calling him theirs 😒

@Kerryann looooooooool

@Mal just to be clear. My relationship is absolutely fine… ya know why. Cos I put boundaries in place they get respected

@Eboni yeah sorry but it’s called possessiveness, there absolutely no harm whatsoever. I am not throwing strong words to a mum, I am giving her really good advice so she can maintain a healthy relationship with her partner and her family.

@Mal sorry but how is this toxic? She’s a mother and she’s entitle to set boundaries if it’s making her feel uncomfortable. At the end of the day it’s not her baby. She just needs to put her straight and just say “our baby” or grandmas baby. Please be kind to mums and don’t bully and say nasty words like that. Needs to be more kindness out there. Xo

@Mal why are u in this group

@Mal cos u marrying the Man...not mom.... When u go out dating should they bring their mom with too.

I'd say "my baby",.. I hate it. What's wrong with them always trying to claim our kids.. They had their chance to raise their kids

It makes me so uncomfortable when my mil does it, like you rarely see him in the first place, just gives me the ick

It would be more appropriate for "our baby" etc. my baby that kinda weirds me out idk

Personally I think it’s weird. Our son is my husband and my own baby so for anyone else to call him that is strange. It’s probably not meant to irritate you, but I totally get it. I would be cringing too! Don’t know if I’d find it to be worth saying anything to her though… it really depends on your relationship with her

I think it depends on your relationship with her, I take it as a term of endearment and a sign of her love/affection/pride in my child which I think is nice. However I am close to my MIL and we get on well so that could be why and I know she doesn’t ACTUALLY think it’s her child. If you don’t like her or don’t get on well then it’s probably more likely to annoy you.

I don't mind as long as your not acting or trying to replace me I don't see an issue. It definitely takes a village to raise a child. My mom did it with my daughter & would say it to me as well. She loves her grand baby but Def let my daughter know that she was not her mother. So I don't see an issue at all. On either side just don't try to confuse my child by saying you are their mother.

@Meryem I sound so awful? 😂 why cos I expected people to respect my boundaries and feelings?! If I gotta sound awful to have that respected then it is what it is lol. That is of course Just at your opinion

I do get this, my mil called herself mummy to my baby when she first held her idk if it was an accident or not but she didn’t correct herself and it made me so mad

i don’t mind when my MIL calls my baby her baby. honestly i thought i would be like back off that’s my baby but it’s honestly sweet to see all the love my little girl gets. She’s well loved and i’d take that over being mad about it. plus my daughter looks just like her daddy’s side so she’s not wrong lol

@Kerryann oh my god you sound like so awful

Well it's not like she is gonna kidnap your baby, i don't see anything wrong in it. Maybe that's how she likes to show her love with saying my baby. Gradmas can be very weird when it comes to their grandchildren

@Rica I don’t have kids myself yet so I’m not speaking from personal experience here. But from a lot of the comments in this group it is clear that a lot of DILs don’t feel heard, valued or respected. Sometimes it would be easier to put yourself in someone’s shoes if they would pay you the same courtesy once in a while. I hope that when I am a MIL that my DIL will feel respected and loved by me and that as a result of our good relationship there won’t be any funny feelings about children or other issues.

My dad often calls my son ‘my boy’ or grandads boy and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. If it’s used as a term of endearment I think it’s fine however if you can tell it’s being used in a bit of a weird, possessive way then I understand why you would feel that way! X

hmmm thats true! But sometimes put yourself in the MIL shoes ya know. She’s probably just really happy to have a mini version of her child again. & hopefully one day when you’re a MIL, your daughter in law won’t mind your excitement over her baby.

@Rica I take your point and agree that having people to love your kid is a blessing. But I think context matters here because a lot of women have MILs who subtlety undermine them the whole time or who are downright rude to them so only they may know how a comment like “my baby” is meant.

This would trigger me. Mainly because my MIL still calls my husband “my baby” and like gets defensive of him in the most ridiculous ways (eg my mum made a pretty innocent comment in a jokey way to my husband and his mum literally squared up to her going “what did you say to my baby”) so if my MIL ever “my babied” my kids I’d probably shut it down fast

@Kristina omg I’d hit the roof!

All the people in the comments saying we should allow it and be grateful…. How about no 🤨. Family members can love my son with out crossing boundaries, because the lord knows I didn’t carry my son for 9 months and have a traumatic birth experience for her to be calling my son her baby at 3 days old. I knew as soon as she said it it come from a good place. Her face was filled with joy. But I don’t care, why am I gonna worry about hurting her feelings? She didn’t care about hurting mine when she called my son her baby. It’s about putting boundaries in place. She’s not stepped a toe out of line since I corrected her. And so she shouldn’t. But there’s no reward for that.

I hate it so much but I don’t have the courage to tell her to stop. I think she truly does think my daughter is hers. She posted my ultrasound pics on her IG and announced my pregnancy before I had a chance to— and she doesn’t follow me on IG 🥲

It depends on your relationship with her. You could always tell if she's doing it to get on your nerves or if she's already crossing boundaries.

Pretty common to be bothered by this imo. Regardless, you’re entitled to your feelings and they are valid! Talk to your SO.

I don't have a MIL but whenever I go out at least 1 person asks how 'our baby' is and it has never bothered me at all, not when I was pregnant the first time or once he was born. I think people just like to feel involved

@Rica totally agree. In this lonely individualistic world, we should cherish people who genuinely love us and our babies... imagine, if smthg happens to you(God forbid), the kid will still have their love and support

I would have been happy for my baby to have a loving granny...

@Darian I did that in regards to kissing our baby. She was all about "yes kissing babies is very selfish. It could make them sick" and proceeded to kiss my child's mouth right in front of me. I fucking lost my shit. I wish that worked. Otherwise we would have a better relationship.

Mine used to do this but I was telling her about a friend doing it and how much it pissed me off and she hasn’t done it since.

its alot of mothers who don’t have loved ones to call their kids “my baby” and yall are upset that a blood relative is obsessed with your baby? You should be happy that your baby is surrounded by love and family. Everyone doesn’t get to experience that.

Me and my mother in law get on so well but when my son was 3 days old she called him her baby and with out even thinking first I corrected her so quickly and said that was my baby not hers. I also told her if she carries on talking like that we will be putting her in a nursing home earlier than expected but that was cos the conversation we had just before she was saying she liked my rocking chair and I said she can have it when we put her into a home lol. She hasn’t stepped a toe out of line since and respected all boundaries.

Thanks for all your lovely responses ladies. Good to have an outside perspective xo

I minded “my baby” with my MIL because she is possessive over my son and views him as an object and did actually refer to herself and FIL as the parents. I just had her change it to “Grandmas baby or boy”

I don’t mind it at all. I think it’s adorable and my kids love their grandmas, so I don’t see the issue.

I don't like my MIL at all, but that specifically wouldn't bother me. I personally see it as her just loving her grandbaby so much. I know she wouldn't mean it in that way at all. I don't know how your relationship with your mil is, but it's best to not assume she is aware that it is bothering you. I've done that and it only fueled my anger and resentment towards her. Communication is everything. I myself am working on it.

@Meryem sorry but how could you possibly know she is possessive? Strong word to throw around to a mum you don’t know a thing about hun. She’s obviously just a bit sensitive and it’s making her uncomfortable.

@Kayla obviously it’s making you very mad. Just talk to her or hubby and get it sorted. I don’t think they intentionally mean it hun, I just think they’re so overjoyed and excited and can see her son in your son (if that makes sense) x

you are possessive and you should work on that! just because she said my baby doesn’t mean she meant hey you I am your mother! it’s baby’s grandma, what’s the issue if she said my baby ?? i don’t get it 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Surely she’s gotta notice it makes me angry. Like I struggle to hide my feelings, you can tell when there’s been a sudden change in my mood. She continues to do it though!! Like fuck 🥲

Mine use to say it. Think she new I was getting freaked out by it. So now she says “our boy” like in conversations etc 😂 if it’s upsetting you just talk to her or get ya hubby to say nicely that it makes you uncomfortable and set some boundaries