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I haven’t gotten that far yet but I have nieces and nephews hahaha
The only one way to survive 😅 is being calm, make sure you are rested (at least as much as possible, well fed, no need to go to bathroom- that is my check list 😁) to not get triggered yourself. Earplugs help also. And hugs if kid wants - to calm down body. And letting cry: crying is ok, you may cry, you may be upset, it is time to go to bed, we go to bed. Do you want to go yourself or you want me hold your hand? I count to 5 if you not go, I will make you go. - such kinda guidance. Allow emotions, hold boundaries, force if needed. And routine. Constant routine. For us it is teeth brushing, bath, dimmed light, pj, read a book hugging in bed, good night kisses, light off, door closed. Wait for 30 min of her singing and choosing what toy to take to bed from shelfs. And finally she is asleep 😴😁
Try a warm bath before bed ?? Or just laying with them before bed and massaging their back maybe ?