Have you ever wanted to cheat?
I get it, most of the time cheating happens out of the blue and you weren’t looking for it. But have you ever wanted to?
I guess it’s not that I “want” to cheat. I just want to feel something. I want to feel wanted, desired, sought after, etc.
I’ve been asking for years for my husband to just show affection. Hug me from behind and kiss my neck while I’m busy in the kitchen, tell me I look beautiful/smell good, slap my butt, flirt back when I flirt with him, offer to rub my back, etc.
He has no problem asking for a blow job or an accepting my offer. He enjoys sex with me. But it’s like I’m initiating so much and doing all the work and he just gladly accepts it.
His friends are always on him that he needs to put in more effort. They tell him that he’s “married up” and that he has a hot wife who does everything he could want and need and he needs to appreciate it. I’ve asked so many times, I’ve brought it up in therapy and it just never changes.
Other aspects of our marriage feel good. But I feel like I keep working on myself and the things he needs from me and he doesn’t do any of the work on his end. So while things feel good, it feels that way because I’m carrying the load and doing the work.
I just need something more. But this doesn’t feel like a valid reason to get a divorce. We don’t really argue/fight, money is fine, he doesn’t cheat or abuse me. It feels silly to even be upset about this but at the end of the day I feel lonely and just want to feel wanted.
I’m not going to cheat. I’m currently working on just accepting that this is how life is because I’m not going to break our family up because my husband doesn’t show an interest in me. But I’m curious if anyone else has ever faced this.
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I can’t say I have with my man I have now since he is so incomparable to any other partner I’ve ever had. I would say engage him again in a way that you possibly can get more of it across ? Wanting to feel wanted is important. You can give an ultimatum too for him to hear you and what you need or open the marriage if he can’t fulfill your need ( never done it but I know it’s a thing).
Yes I think it is common that when men have the woman then they stop doing all the things it took to get the woman...or they are not showing that attraction anywhere outside of sex. Which is really the issue, you want real intimacy. To feel turned on by him and your relationship in more ways than just going through a sexual physical act.
What if you just communicate to him, the root of the cheating feelings -- that you're getting turned off by not getting affection, and you want it so bad you're starting to imagine what it would be like getting it from someone else. That should be enough to get the point across as to how it's affecting how you see him and the relationship.
I would also try to do a relationship challenge where you focus on non-sexual-destination touch and compliments/praise once in the morning and once at night, every day. Even 5 mins twice a day.
I will advice to show him this post and tell him , this is how i feel 🙃. If thats isn't clear then i will suggest to think about the positive in yoir marriage and try to focus on other things with more value than psysical touch , which other things he can do to show you love and appreciation. Not every body can show love physically.
Sounds fair but no, don't feel it would help at all really. Can relate though - not to necessarily to wanting to cheat but to feel more appreciation & love
I read what you said and i think about my husband. All the opossite is happening here, and i think he dont even doubt about cheating on me. How womans can be worried about destroy a family but men dgaf.
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