Husband's 2nd chance
So over 2 years ago my husband got caught exchanging flirtatious messages with a coworker , he claims that's all that it was . His reasoning behind it was because we were always fighting which we were at the time , still no excuse to be flirting with other people . I decided to forgive him and barely got over the feelings of that event. Back in June of this year I went through his phone and found a dating app but he never finished the profile and I chose to forgive him again .
Fast forward to now he works as a welder and his job got contracted to a warehouse with other companies who are also doing other jobs there. I made a joke one day and said "I seen this tiktok where this girl posted saying ladies there's women up in these job sites now , be careful with ya mans" and he's like "women do work here , I met this chick who is a welder , her names Michelle" and I said like "why you even talking to her?" He said it was because he talks to everyone and it's not a big deal . Of course my women intuition was just going off the radar.
About a week ago I went through his phone when he was asleep and on Instagram I went to his deleted messages and found a message from a girl that said "lol I bet you had to 🤣" but the rest of the thread was deleted.
I woke him up and confronted him about It and of course he got defensive and was like I was flirting with her. I said "who is she , and what does she mean by that message?" He said "she works at my job and I made a joke about her flying me out when she travels back home" when I tell you how surprised I was even tho I shouldn't of been considering all the bullshit.
I did some digging and found her social media and asked her for the screenshots and she sent them . So she was the welder girl and her name wasn't even Michelle, I swear men be telling on themselves. In the screenshots he's flirting with her but she ain't even giving him the time of day but what stood out to me was him asking where he hotel room was.
See the thing is this man works from 5am-1pm he comes straight home and I'm not saying he won't cheat but I'm very curious to know if he actually would have done it . Of course he said it was just flirting but I can't help but feel hurt and all of those emotions once again . That saying "your the most beautiful girl in the world " doesn't mean shyt to me anymore from him . How could you claim to love me and care about me when you do stupid shyt like this ?? To top it off he's trying to tell me when I should get over it and we can't move forward if I dwell on it . I want to be soooo done with him but I have zero affairs in order very little family and 4 children . I know I deserve better than what he's giving me and he has zero sympathy for me and just wants me to get over it because "nothing" even happened.
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Oof, he's so embarrassingly thirsty đź«
I'm so sorry he's doing this do you! I wouldn't be entertaining any more of his nonsense. He's clearly showing he wants to cheat and is taking steps to do so. It just seems like he's not being very successful as she's not interested!
I asked him if he wanted an open marriage because he's out here doing it all alone . And I said on a very serious note please put yourself in my shoes , if it was me and I was messaging a guy at my job for his hotel so we can have a drink how would you feel and what would you do? He said he would leave me. And I said exactly so here my dumb self is with you even after the first incident and you do it again why? He said she gave me attention , obviously that's not the case because she showed zero interest in him. He's 37 and I'm 27 she's 26 so I see where he's going with that.
He’s going to keep doing stuff like that because he’s already gotten away with it, he’ll just try and hide it better now he knows you know where to look. I know you said it’s not an option to leave atm but it’ll be exhausting for you to watch him more and you can’t love him into respecting you either. I’d say best bet is to do your own thing, grieve emotionally, get everything in order and when you do leave it won’t hurt you it’ll just hurt him
I know I just look at him and wonder why I'm not good enough to keep him only interested in me , I know it's not me but I'm obviously not doing something right to keep his attention. I'm 5 almost 6 months postpartum with my 4th and It makes me feel so gross .
His behaviour isn't your fault. Beautiful women like Beyoncé and Shakira get cheated on. It says something about their scumbag partners and absolutely nothing about the women.
I know you said you can't leave him right now but I'd be questioning that. Or at least getting legal advice and my affairs in order so it's quick and simple once you eventually do it.
It’s just entitlement. Even if you didn’t wanna sleep with him for a year, someone that really loved you and appreciated you would choose a healthy way to cope like talking to you, waiting, being romantic, helping you out more etc and look at it long term.
You’ve been faithful & forgiving to him AND gone through pregnancy 4x he’s an idiot to not see what he’s got
He even told me he's afraid I'm going to get "revenge" on him but I know he's just self reflecting rn. I feel alone because of course I can't or don't talk to anyone about this because I feel dumb for still being with him . I don't want to make that decision until like I said I can get my affairs in order and last time I stayed because I believed he wouldn't do it again.
Ugh. He’s so desperate. Honestly, I don’t know how you haven’t murdered him yet.
The desperation is embarrassing. He won’t change and 100% will end up cheating on you if he hasn’t already. She showed 0 interest in him and he still kept trying in every message he sent. He’ll keep it up until he finds a girl who actually invites him to that hotel room. As hard as it’s going to be I’d start looking into your options of leaving him and doing what’s best for you and your kids.
save all of this evidence and make sure he has no way of getting in to your devices and deleting it. like other comments have said, seek legal advice because adultery is grounds for divorce & if you don’t have the means there are options available. you’re young and shouldn’t give anymore of your youth, time, or energy to this disgusting leech. he will not change, your misery and pain hasn’t stopped him, marriage or having his children. nothing will. it’s a problem with him and not you; you deserve more than to live your life for a piece of shit like that and not for yourself
Make it a goal to leave him and figure out how to make that happen even if it does take time and is hard.. it is possible
He’s a cheat and a liar and will never change unfortunately - sounds like he would have jumped at the chance to go to her hotel room - really sorry .
I see why you went incognito baby this is EMBARRASSING not just on his part but yours too cause you keep allowing it, and his excuses like really? That’s all he has to say to get you to stay? Girl you better start thinking of a master plan, start loving yourself an find you some self worth. Doing all that investigating just to end up hurt, again smh. Put that energy into something for YOU babe, you deserve it🫶🏾
Don’t drag it out any more than you need to so you can get yourself together. It’s already over. You are done, he isn’t even in the relationship fully, and he is trying to push you around over it. Who knows what you don’t know either. You have seen two, he probably does it regularly and if he bats often enough, he has probably scored.
Build your self up mentally and create a good network outside of him
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