Am I’m wrong?

Are the kids his? If not, you're not wrong. How long have yall been dating?

1 is but he claims off and on year

Maybe talk to him about what you could be doing differently to make him feel more important and why he feels everyone else comes first. I don’t think he should be mad about you stating “who comes first” but rather how you treat him.

I believe there’s no limit to love. There doesn’t have to be a 1st or 2nd, but I do respect others who think differently. I love my kids, my husband, & my siblings differently but fully. I have an 18 yr old little sister too that I love dearly. There’s so many different kinds of love that I couldn’t possibly love my husband the same as I love a sister. It’s just two different people that each have a part of my heart. One isn’t better than the other, but each has a different role in my life. I’m building a life with my husband & I respect him & cherish him for that but our relationship isnt beyond a divorce if it ever turns into a toxic situation. Whereas my sister will always be my sister who I won’t be building a life with, but I can be a support & share life as we both live it together. I won’t be sharing finances with my sister & ultimately she will find someone to partner with and start a life of her own, but until then I can love all equally and differently. Hope this makes sense.

Well. I understand his point & yours I’ll explain.

IMO, a relationship between two partners, both partners should come first. Yes he should come first in your life and you should come first in his life. THEN he also should prioritize you baby sister and kids as well WITH you. If he’s not prioritizing your sister and kids OF COURSE you will prioritize them. Y’all should be on the same team but if he isn’t helping or putting them first I don’t blame you for putting family first.

In that case it sounds like relationship is unbalanced and won’t be balanced until you both agree on priorities.

🚩🚩🚩🚩 this is paving the way for isolation from your friends and family, it's coercive control and it's abuse. A good man wants you to see friends and family and he certainly understands that your child's needs are more important than his

yeah totally agree he just want me to his he doesn’t won’t anyone to have too much time with me or it’s too much time then he gets. He expect me to drop everything and sacrifice important things I mean I use to do but then I found out how he truly is and I was losing myself and my kids saw that. So when I change to focus on my career, got save, change friends, start putting my priorities first, became more manner and polite he doesn’t like the change. If I’m doing self care or want to take the kids to see their auntie he gets upset and asks why I don’t come see him like I do them I mean my mom and sister stays literally 3 mins from me and he stays 35 I do make time for him as I can with my busy schedule taking care of my mom, being a mother and working and on me mentally and on my health (cyst on ovaries). I try to give attention but he always want to argue on the phone and cuss at me so that push’s me away or makes my heart beat fast and then I feel like I’m having a panic at

attack and feel agitated trying to communicate and solve the problem I once upon time put him first but then i just saw how he truly is on his angry and mad or sad times. He tries to play mind games just reel me in or get my attention like I use to. He will say well I’m about to go to my friend house or he will tell me lies that if I would of came and not cancel cause I’m sick he had a nice candle lit dinner with flowers etc but he say I ruined that since I’m supposedly sick

yes this I know me just going to pick a gift or something they got me he thinks that’s too much time I have church friends who help we don’t really sit down and talk unless we have a meeting they only call to check on me and support ask if I need anything. I really don’t give them time with my busy schedule and theirs. I see my mom well my sister maybe 1x a week depends if my mom need me due to her health and he gets upset about me going over there spending time with my little sister. Which I told him that only reason I give her is because I left my mom house at 16 and I never got to grow up with her and for the first time she told me she loved me she told me she was afraid. So I try to give her as much time as she can so she can know she’s not alone cause I know she has something’s going on inside she’s hiding but hr wants me all to his self I can’t go walk the park without him thinking im meeting someone or have too many appointments or have any health issues or thinking im do

he doesn't like your positive changes, he wants to argue and cuss at you when you make time for him, he doesn't want you to spend too much time with your family....it's time to put him back wherever you got him from! You know it. We know it. His behaviors are abusive.

tbh I have tried his expectations and it’s not enough. I tried driving 35 minutes to bring him Lunch to work I try to make time show him I care and it’s still not enough. He wants me to do pops ups like random like I did before I had kids and he wants me to randomly call him but when I do we are always arguing then cusses at me or mock me and now it has startled me to be on the phone him. He wants me all to hisself everyone else has to go and I need to follow all his expectations.

I just had a similar debate with someone on Facebook. I believe children should always come 1st, they're children, so need to come 1st. He is an adult and should put his children 1st also.

I agree with @Ena .. my child comes before all else and I'd see it as a huge red flag if my other half was putting me before our child 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I remember when I was very young around 5 yrs old, my mom told her husband that he comes before us (her children) and it stuck with me. He wasn’t our dad either. My girl will always come first and I hope the same for my partner.

Does he have friends and family? He sounds controlling and like he’s trying to keep you away from your people. That’s not right.

@Alayna I'm sorry you heard that. Its horrible. Your child should come 1st... its literally half of who you are. Its half of your soul in a way.

It's hard when you have to grow up at a young age. My dad was absent most my life so I kind of became the second parent, knew everything that was going on etc

It's great that you understand your mum is just a person with issues and accommodate to her needs, even though it must be hard

My son is autistic and no one in the family really understands how exhausting and constant it is and I have very little support.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with a co-parent that isn't parenting on top of everything else