Venting an advice please
So me an my BD relationship is very rocky ever since I had to get a restraining order on him when I was pregnant with our daughter becuse he was physically abusive….ever since the break up we have been up an down
so this past Thursday she had a doc appointment at 9 so I told him that we can meet with her at his moms afterwards but it would have to be before 12 because I wasn’t feeling good an wanted to go back home sooner than last time( last time we stayed there for 4/5 hours🙃🙃 but I only did tht because I felt bad he don’t see her like tht) but after her appointment he called n I didn’t pick up(I didn’t see it) then called again so I answer nd he is FUSSING ME OUT I mean talking about “why tf yu ain’t answer the first time, You talking to somebody ain’t you” and it kinda triggered me to how it use to be when he was being abusive with me so tht made me not even want to meet anymore an he hung up I didn’t hear from him again until about 2 at tht point already felt sick n on top of tht he wasn’t at his moms until 2 an he asked if I was still bringing her I told him no I’m ready to go back home an he got pissed saying “I’m done”, “But I’m not gone getting played with like my time not worth shi”, “I don’t get to see her” an I haven’t heard from him since
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An at the end of the day I tell him he can see her whenever we can plan days but HE NEVER DOES IT, so why I feel bad when he complains bout not seeing her idk, I jus want her to have a good relationship with her dad but he isn’t really trying himself
Well babes, prioritize yourself and your healing while prioritizing baby girls wellbeing. It’s not your job to create a relationship between your baby daddy and his child. If he wanted to he would & with no excuses. Of course it’s easier said than done and we all want our kids to know their dads love them & that we weren’t the ones who made their relationship difficult to have. Just sit back and let him come to you. Sit with yourself and think about what you’re comfortable as far as his hang outs with your daughter. Also sit with your boundaries. He is your baby daddy, he gave you a blessing. That is that. You have the right to move on, you deserve better and you will get better with time. Just sit back and draw that line of what things are going to look like for you going forward.
He’s using this time to manipulate you into giving him a reaction. This is NOT safe for you (even if his mom is there). Do you have a custody order in place?
If so, there should be clauses in there regarding his visitation and even transfer of kids etc. Personally, you should NEVER be around this man. He didn’t just abuse you in the past, he is mentally abusing you now.
I would not answer the phone ever but allow texts. He will make himself look like a huge asshole. Document everything.
I know what you mean about allowing him to see the baby but also you need to protect yourself as well. He can have supervised visitations etc and you don’t have to be there for them. You are NOT safe around him.
you are totally right and I’ve been telling myself like it’s not my job to create this relationship that he’s complaining about not having with his daughter I guess I just wish that things were better but reality it’s not and I just need to really heal because I feel like I haven’t healed from our altercations in the past to be honest an it doesnt help he still act the same way
I do not have a custody order in place, and I have been thinking about doing that, but he isn’t on her birth certificate, he hates court an going through the system(I wonder why🌚)
Yes, I have recordings of him saying certain things on my phone. I keep every text message everything just in case he did try to do something he already looks like a big ass hole. Trust me!…
and with all of this, I still go out of my way to take her to see him and I feel like I allowed people from his side, convince me that he needs to see her and to cater to how he is SMH😪 and I’m just not gonna do that shit no more he needs to grow up and be a dad. Mind you he does not even help with her. He probably only has helped me five times since she has been born with things that she needs
trust, it’s not gonna get better on its own. If you do meet up, make it a public place and take someone (strong etc) with you. The way he’s talking, he’s just another second from putting his hands on you again.
Speaking from experience, it can go far beyond bumps and bruises. It can turn into something very very critical.
Idk, reading your post I have a bad feeling about it. Think about your safety.
If he’s not on the birth certificate you really own him nothing at this time. Petition courts for custody rights etc and set up paternity. Get stuff in writing so you’re safe all the way around.
Also, don’t hold your breath for him helping out of the goodness of his heart — that’s not going to happen. His family knowing this and still putting pressure on your is a bit absurd. They should be checking him.
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