What do you do when you ask for "help" but they say no?

Leave him.

that sucks wtf it def sounds like he just doesn’t want to help or thinks he can’t handle it , even if he feels like he can’t handle it or he’s scared he won’t be of much help he shouldn’t run away from the responsibility . i would ask him some follow up questions like why can’t he stay and help

Where you wanting him to call off from work?

Are you sure he could not show up for work and not get fired?? Just asking, if he could not show up and not get fired then obviously he should have I'm Just asking.. not defending him in anyway..

yeah breaking up your entire family over a disagreement is totally reasonable. Lol dafuq

Can any family fly into town? Can you look into hiring a mothers helper for a few hours per week? Sometimes it creates huge repercussions to call out of work last minute, he could have had good intentions and it sounds like he did try to help a little bit. I’m sure you’re both doing the best you can, it’s so hard having sick kiddos. Hope everyone feels better soon

Yes I was hoping he'd call off/use PTO. Work would have a rough shift but he certainly wouldn't lose his job over it.
I've thought about breaking up with him. We arent married, and I know i could afford rent and bills without him but it would be tight....but i don't want to be a single mom (again) I had 2 beautiful girls with him and I was hoping to make it work....how do I get him to realize i desperately need support? Talking to him feels like talking to a brick wall....he has a very hard time with emotions and communication....I think it's cultural...

a disagreement? She asked him for help, sounds like she was desperate for it, and he said no. He didn’t try to work in with her, he didn’t apologise, he just told her no. She’d be better off as a single parent and getting a break on the weekends and him having to take on the responsibility of the kids ALL by himself and maybe he would learn something but probably not.
Why are we advocating for women to stay with partners who aren’t good to them? Thats the bizarre part here

Personally I’d hire a cleaner and a nanny in the short term to reduce stress and once you’re less stressed out then work on whatever the issue is in the relationship if there is one.

I don't know how to get him to open up girl, have you spoken to him about counseling maybe??
I don't know I went through a very small rough patch with my husband that I've been with for 9 years, about 8 months ago we went through a very small rough patch that lasted about 4 weeks but during that patch, I asked him if he was willing to do counseling and he basically laughed in my face, thank God things got way better after that and we're back to normal now but I don't know, maybe we try mentioning counseling??..

He has a very STRONG work ethic....which I admire the hell out of...my ex was the exact opposite. But sometimes family means more? I was just so disappointed he didn't understand that's what I was trying to say....maybe I didn't say it right?

If he cant then find someone who can! Not saying leave him but i get it. He feels stretched too thin and cant relate to your struggle. Maybe from his perspective he thinks you have it easier and to that i say HA! Most men wouldnt survive a week in our shoes! Ive been there. My husband worked 14 hour days while i stayed home with our newborn. I was so depressed and overwhelmed, had zero friends or family because we moved across the country. When i finally made a mom friend and our kids are the same age it was like the clouds parted! We sip our coffee while the kids play, she watches them while i shower and i watch them while she makes dinner. Its like the support i always wanted. Find your tribe ❤️

I don't know, I don't know how long this has been going on for you but as I said it before, my husband and I had a really rough patch really really rough, He just totally changed in every way that I have never had to deal with before but then all of a sudden he just switched back to his normal regular self, it was really weird and I don't understand it but I thank God I didn't leave him or do anything crazy like think about cheating or anything like that, after a few weeks, everything went back to normal like it was before..
I pray it's the same for you, hun!!

Family is out of country for the most part so that's not really an option...I've thought about hiring help but am concerned about thw cost since it would probably fall on him because he makes the bulk of our income. We do well, but I'm not sure we do "hire some help" well.
And I desperately need a group/tribe/girls for support that's why I'm here....

Honestly typing this all out and reading y'alls responses has been cathartic....❤️

And i know where not necessarily geographic close but if anyone wants to be a texting buddy lmk....I'm 100% here for it!

Me!!! 👋 for sure! Friends are the family that we chose. Ive gotten through so many tough times because of my friends who are supportive, uplifting and empowering. Its why i miss home

Send me a message anytime 😊

yeah that’s the definition of a disagreement. Divorcing or breaking up with him just so ‘he has to take care of the kids by himself,’ like what? So now she doesn’t get to see her kids half the time for the sake of ‘teaching him a lesson?’

That’s pettiness in a pathological level.

If you want to be a texting buddy, you have to let us know hun you're incognito, lol!!

@Kelly oh dear....didn't even think about that...I guess answer the post here and I'll message you! ❤️ all the support!

Consider hiring a mothers helper so you can get help here and there and ease the burden. And/or a cleaning service to come in and do the harder things.

It is not always manageable to just call off of work and Che did compromise by going in late.

12 hour shifts aren’t a typical shift so it makes me wonder what he does for work. It may be something where it’s more difficult or a bigger problem if you call off.

this is my take as well. People just splitting up homes Willy nilly with no consideration for the kids.

You said you are concerned that hiring help with fall on him to cover the cost.
That is reasonable.

If you need to hire help because he is not able to contribute as much at home then it is reasonable for it to be something he covers.

Like if he can’t help clean then asking him to hire someone to come in every two weeks to clean is reasonable.

Another thing you could consider is seeing if you can reduce your hours at work on a regular basis so that you aren’t taking on as much. Better your hours than his since he makes more.

This is not working for you currently so you need to work together to figure out what would work.

And honestly, if you like being with your kids when you aren’t dealing with work, I would see if there are changes you can make that would allow you to be a stay at home mom/homemaker.

We are living on one income so I can be home with our toddler and for me it is way more familiar. It’s challenging but not nearly as challenging as working and running a

Household and is way more satisfying than working ever was. In my household, we are all happier with this arrangement. We are also in a custody battle for my stepkids and even though we have additional financial stress and emotional/mental stress because of it we are all doing so much better now.

right, relationships are not always easy once you factor in kids, households, work, finances etc.

(This is not directed at OP but the leave comment) If you want a lasting relationship you can’t just leave every time you don’t get what you want. That’s not a partnership. People who have been married for decades often talk about the rough YEARS. Like, not just one disagreement but weeks and months of not being able to see eye to eye and having to truly dig deep, be steadfast in your commitment to each other and do the hard work to be on the same page.

Plus- imagine being with a partner who just threatened to leave every time things didn’t go their way. That’s not a secure relationship. It honestly sounds traumatic and toxic.

If he doesn’t want to help, find a nanny or a cleaner with HIS MONEY until he decides that he wants to help
My husband was taking off so many days because of LO was sick and i was sick from pregnancy that it was getting detrimental for his job so i have a nanny come 3 days a week with her kids that helps me get things done or even rest since i’m high risk this time around.

Hey momma! There are babysitters out there that you can hire for just a few hours a week... 12-15 an hour.. so for the price of going out to eat.. you could have help for 3 hours 2 times a week. It's not a commitment you have to make, but that break will reset your mind and soul.... even if all you do is go for a walk or go somewhere without the kids or... if she cleans and you just play with kids... anything ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I guess this totally depends on your country/location... sorry!!

yes! I heard on a radio show once that a woman’s grandmother was giving her advice at her wedding and that she started to cut her off saying she knows there will be rough days and her grandmother told her “no, there will be rough years.”

Asking someone to call into work is a lot, especially if he knows they are short staffed