Custody help!

Ok so I have three children. My husband is the father of two. My oldest father hasn’t been active in their lives he’s 11. NOW there is no custody between me and his father. He just isn’t around for whatever reason men choice. ANYWAYS, god forbid anything happens to me And I die because we’re not promised tomorrow! ): HOW and what do I need to do who do I go to, to make sure that if I do my oldest will remain with my husband and not in the government services or the biological father ???
And if anyone knows how can I get him on her paper work instead of the father ?

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Could he adopt your eldest I'm not sure how it works but if there's proven no contact for years it may be an optio

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I filed for child support and this mf all of a sudden is asking about my son. I’m like ur trying to be funny and act like u have a fuck all theses years… just to say “I been trying she doesn’t let me” and have recent proof. He’s like no I do care ! When mf now. Bc child support is involved 😖

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